Jimmy Jankerton And His Jackson-Weiss Jaggernaut Wonder

Jimmy Jankerton is played today by Bolo Yeung's half-brother "Strappy". He is half-white and half-Weiss, leading one to believe that BOLO LIED! Do not tell Bolo that. He is General Tsao and YOU'll be THE CHICKEN!!

Jimmy Jankerton is played today by Bolo Yeung’s half-brother “Strappy”. He is half-white and half-Weiss, leading one to believe that BOLO LIED! Do not tell Bolo that. He is General Tsao and YOU’ll be THE CHICKEN!!

Jimmy Jankerton speaks:

“I was misdiagnosed with Jackson Weiss syndrome at four years old. From the ages of 4 to 34, I read many a book on the syndrome. I became very proficient in the understanding of both my OWN condition and the condition described and because I did not have it – the syndrome – I became super confused permanently.

You can’t keep a good Jankerton down. Not when he wants to stand straight up… And do what he’s born to do! So I got a library card.

I tried to start with books that were not on macabre subjects. Like Elephant breeding. I started in the juvenile section. No, no actually I believe I started upstairs, going through all the war books and map books and atlases. Each book is about 40 pounds and 600 pages. I would take about 15 books at a time. This went on for about three years until the librarians couldn’t stand it. You see I would stack the books because they look like skyscrapers with 15 floors. And you know that’s really not enough, so I work my way up to 40.

So 40 books times 40 pounds is about the weight of a “you go”. Pardon me! Spell correct got me again!!  The weight of a Yugo. Import car. Popular in the 1980s.

Well I would secretly set them books up, late into the library night hours. WAYYY WAY back in the FARRR back of the Ronald Ray-gun library. About once a week average, all those books made the table collapsed… And the floor would break thru. The floor broke through too! A few years into it.

That was back in the 90s, way before there was a TSA. So what were they going to say?

My neighbor- maybe you’ve heard of him- “Melly Malkovich”… He was a rotund 12-year-old boy Who always wore a Charlie Brown T-shirt with that Ziggy zag. He wore a fireman’s hat as if that didn’t look absolutely crazy. That JERK film with me on his BETA Camcorder. He turned it into the library. They put it directly into the garbage because it was the 90s and no one used BETA anymore and they thought that he was a complete maroon, which he is.

Well one day I reported him to the library staff which led to a felony conviction. I got $50,000 reward which I have to the Jackson-Weiss syndrome foundation.

As far as Melly- I figured he deserved it! Jail for 2 months!! YEAH!!! After all, in that really hot summer in ’62, my parents paid Melly to mow our lawn and he wasn’t watching what he’s doing- well he just started running over my brother who is really really skinny and suck the shorts right off of him as he was laying in the sun. I think that’s the only part of him that’s missing is the shorts. His name is Tom Tom. Lucky for him he taped down the kill bossa so that in case a pretty girl walked by he wouldn’t be suddenly tent camping pitching.

He calls July 5th, The day it happened, “My own special independence day.”

Ever since then, it has been as easy as getting an electric egg beaters and an extension cord to rekindle his PTSD Just to mess with him. “Whirr hirr whirrrrrr!!!!” BOOM!! He’s UP. Runs to the train yard and asks Danny Dankwaterton the Hobo for a box to hide in. I guess I am just curious about what makes people tick. Sorry. Well… Not really. People are resilient. Right? But I Wear metal underwear, Just in case he has a knife. My motto is:

“Be your own worst enemy and RUIN the COMPETITION!!”

So I was seen being a sneaky jerk by the CIA. An agent named “Agent Fairlocks Wigglehips”, a red haired 5’10” ex-Olympian KIDNAPPED ME one day and took me to her basement. I awoke, tied in ropes upside down and she descended the spooky stairs wearing and evil black hood and black gown. Only her well-conditioned hair curled out of her hood.

She was really close, holding a taser and a spatula, when…

“MY FANTASY!!!!”

I yelled that. She got so pissed off that she threw the taser and it CLICKED on and zapped her STRAIGHT in the HOO hah!! Down, K.O.!!! And the JOLT made her swing the spatula and cut my ropes a little.

When I was out, I tied her up and called her boss “Mr. Skinner” and told him I bested his agent. The house was surrounded, but no guns were drawn. A knock….

“hello?”, I said, opening the door.

They grabbed me, wild, threw me into a fan. I said, “Don’t kill me!!”

They said, “What??? No, bro. This is your BACHELOR party. No one has been able to tame the shrew… Er… ms. Fairlocks. Now she has to MARRY you.

“Oh I don’t want to! She’s so mean!”

Then a guy with a low voice said,

“YOU GET TO BE AN AGENT, too.”

i said, “When do I get to WATERboard a COMMIE????”

a cigar was given to me and lighted and the big guy cried and said:

“You remind me of my daddy and HES GONE”

I hugged the 390 lb 6’7″ gorilla and we bonded at Chucky Cheese’s and the nuke range in Nevada, and finally when the wedding day came, Fairlocks took a cyanide capsule and fell over.

“OH that is so fake!!”, I said.

“I saw this on YooToob and its a trick. Her heart will start again.”

So we waited.

and we waited.

At half past 11pm, the doctor pronounced her… MY WIFE, because she was faking! I slapped her ass and said,

“C’mon, ‘Spy Game’… Say I do and let’s go to bed and skip dinner.”

she started to cry but Skinner reminded her:

“we own you”

So she threw me a North Korean smile

I switched places with my brother Tom Tom my identical twin to pay him back and asked them to release Melly because he is a walking disaster and could easily be the CIA’s first “American manned suicide bomber mission”… Maybe against Quebec. Sack Ray Bloo!!

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding..

Just kidding…

( Add nausea )

(Add it now)

( yes!!)

Melly Malcovich Had A Dream

This is a picture of Melly Malcovich who is a complete (and registered) "maroon". Just look at his face! He doesn't know SQUAT about SHAMROCKS and SHIMMY-SHANKS.      But he is a champion "Duck-Duck-Goose" player. Also- DANGEROUSLY fluent in "fowl" language!?

This is a picture of Melly Malcovich who is a complete (and registered) “maroon”. Just look at his face! He doesn’t know SQUAT about SHAMROCKS and SHIMMY-SHANKS.
But he is a champion “Duck-Duck-Goose” player. Also- DANGEROUSLY fluent in “fowl” language!?

Melly tells his story:

“I was just 42 and my daddy took me to see the wingsuit Sky-diving show at the Ronald Ray-gun Airport. Oh what a day. I love watching them on YooToober on the Enternet! Zip-pow!!

So my daddy was in WWI in the United States Air Force and was a wing-walker. Well he fathered me when he was 72. It all adds up so don’t check my math. Geez! So he’s OLD! He wore his old uniform. It still had a live GERMAN  grenade (which exploded as we stood there. About as big an explosion as a firecracker as the years depleted the chemicals in it. A cloud of smoke that looked like a swastika PUFFED OUT OF IT!) Dad got us golden tickets from out of a Mr. Goodbar to SEE and MEET the wingsuiter DUDES!!

I met them all! Glance Gilroy (won’t make eye contact), Lacey Jenkertin (beat up face from defending HIS NAME) and Zoop Jack-Cracketty. I said, “Oh boy oh boy!!!!! What’s it like to fly??”

Zoop was a jerk-face! So disappointing. He said:

“What?? Hahah.. How old are you??”

I said, “Fuh Fuh fuh FORTY twoooo” (because they made me nervous)

Glance, Lacey and ZOOP LAUGHED and asked,

“So what do you DO boy?”

I said that I talk to the geeses and make friends.

oh they started to laugh!!

then Glance made fun of my DAD because he looks like Obi-Wan Kenobi in his Airforce wing-walker cape. He pretended to be Darth Vader and said

“hey old man!!” (That he said like MR. T.)

Oh I don’t know. But Dad was so old he just withered away into nothin. Like Obi-Wan. I yelled “NO!!”

So they laughed at my goose project and said,

“I guess you don’t have a DAD, goose-boy. Why don’t you join us doing wing-suiting? Unless you are cha cha cha CHICKEN??!? No- duck duck GOOSE! Goose boy! Goose boy! Goose boy!”

………………………………

The next day was the last day of the air show at the Ronald Ragun airport. I spent the morning at the adjacent field hark and heralding to the Canada geese (who I have mind-melded to my command to the 17th BELT of the art of Duk Duk Goos). I can see what they see and, oh I dunno I lost track but- I can control about a thousand and they are commited to ME.

I gathered about a million and a half geese by crying:

“Illeeoobahbahbah!!!”

And so I had them pick apart the skydivers and I guess their chutes didn’t work. And one goose flew kamikazee UPWARD into ZOOPS CROTCH and maybe killed them both. I’m in prison now. Actually, sorry I made it all up.

THE END

(the best stories end with THE END you know. Just sayin)

Angel In Mid-air Proclaims The Gospel

What, like satellites for television programs around the world that are WAYYY the heck up there in the sky??

Hahahahahhhh!!!

You can’t share the good news of Jesus’s love via satellite, can you?

Only crazy people blog about Jesus, right? I mean… he was born 1985 years ago, so what the hey?

Satellites do fly around the Earth…

Is this party coming to a close?

hmmm

Well if the world is ending, I want to still be eating soup when it happens. Or doing my laundry. And if a comet is coming down on our city, I want to be helping that neighbor kid tie his shoe so I can hide how scared I am so she won’t think about anything.

why?

Because I am elder accompass and I believe in flying things. But I believe that love is bigger and gooder than badassedness.

How Can You Know It Is “The End”?

When facing "the end", I am not going to use language to promote giving UP, giving IN- nor am I going to clarify of WHAT is ENDING. Sound good?     Well I don't see many people writing about the cutting edge, massive future earthquakes, blood, torment, pain... Nor about hospice, CANCER, Ebola, AIDS, pneumonia... And especially not of stubbing one's TOE. (However, if you are under the age of 6, and you stubbed your toe today, my heart goes out to YOU. It feels like the end to scrape and bleed from the flesh as a child. That may very well be the beginning of the knowledge of the love of...

When facing “the end”, I am not going to use language to promote giving UP, giving IN- nor am I going to clarify of WHAT is ENDING. Sound good?
Well I don’t see many people writing about the cutting edge, massive future earthquakes, blood, torment, pain… Nor about hospice, CANCER, Ebola, AIDS, pneumonia… And especially not of stubbing one’s TOE. (However, if you are under the age of 6, and you stubbed your toe today, my heart goes out to YOU. It feels like the end to scrape and bleed from the flesh as a child. That may very well be the beginning of the knowledge of the love of…

… CHRIST.

Christ is what some people call HIM. Resurrected and sounding a bit irritated in Revelation’s first chapters. He suffered on the cross. That is evidence that none on Earth “just go to God because we are born good.” The cross speaks. Doesn’t it command allegiance? Humility? Repentance? Can we not see that Christ Jesus is resurrected but also pleading in Revelation?

If he is pleading, is he HURTING? You’d think that he would not hurt after being resurrected. What is going on?

It’s not over. In reality, there is no fat lady. But there will be singing. My God… please tell me what Jesus Christ gave up? In the written gospels he gave his spirit up at the cross at Calvary. A military centurion WITNESSED JESUS give out a loud cry, saying:

surely this his man was the son of God

Immediately, faith was ignited in the heart of a callous proud murderer, for surely the Romans were about as innocent as S.S. Officers from WWII, only instead of hiding their killing games, they nailed and hung people. Today’s equivalent would be CRUCIFIXTION on each telephone pole everywhere. The centurion in his heart is saying:

(…this man we are killing…) SURELY HE is THE Son of God

Interesting to attribute sonship to a monotheistic God in a land owned by the pagan ROMANS! I guess when THE son of God BREATHES over you a last time, your helmet Mohawk may seem not so great and you are REPENTED by the breath of purity… The LIFE of God repents you.

So many evangelists urge “repent, repent”, and it sounds like you CAN but you cannot… Listen carefully- if you can make faith and repentance THAT TOO is a way to be good enough for “The Kingdom” or “forgiveness”. But JESUS said to the PHARISEES:

HOW… will you enter the kingdom of God?

And he made it MORE impossible, which opened them and they chose to KILL JESUS:

If a man lusts after a women- that is adultery…

Dang it! Dang it! They had so carefully found ways to not TOUCH women, nor SMELL their perfume, some probably secretly castrated themselves and now he’s saying if we look at a woman like how?? AGGGG!!!

(If you want to skip to reading the biblical book of Revelation, it is a beautiful book. If you read it, please accept the invite to the eternal life. No charge. JESUS is not bitter, but devoted to be the saviour. If you get to the lake of fire part, please note that every passage on hell is carefully worded. You may not feel you belong, but I assure you that you are just feeling a lot!

To be GIVEN faith and repentance is a gift. It will happen. Giving up and turning to God is different for everyone. If you are in sin especially, it is obvious. If you are already a believer, I urge you to read the message to the seven churches and see if you can at all identify. God’s judgment is a blessing- he judges against evil. Evil separates us from his Goodness. I have weathered many stays at mental hospitals to earn a right to speak this confidently. I have been in ER for physical ailments and disease. I am not finished with my baggage and bags. To think that I can be perfected one day to JESUS’s credit means that at that time I don’t have to be sorry or apologize anymore. I won’t have a “me” that is made out of 95% water, 1% bones and 4% bologna. )

Nicodemus!!

Nicodemus was a Pharisee. Did JESUS hate the Pharisees?:

a) Yes. He wanted to tie them to a windmill and throw them into Lake Havasoo

b) no he was trying to get thru to them by speaking in conundrums until they grew pained and tormented

c) neither a, nor b

d) both a & b

I say “d” is CLOSE because JESUS was human and divine. JESUS shared YET ANOTHER koan (conundrum) with Nicodemus:

“no man can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born again.”

Nicodemus starts talking about reverse birth. What he misses is that the kingdom of God is within and maybe he is ALREADY IN IT? To enter again into this life is impossible without:

A) a time machine

b) reincarnation

(non-resurrection re-entry into BABYHOOD, just as preposterous as becoming a god equal to God the Father Yahweh. No way is there ANY like Yahweh!! Shalom to my soul!!)

So after reading this, is dying a concern? To tell you the truth, finances and health should be your concern- any of you who believe in Jesus, for then you can be physically fit and happy!! Of course you think too about the mile radius around your home and I say that if you do not show pity to people that close to you (it isn’t hard) that you kind of suck at being a follower of Jesus. All you have to do is love your neighbor. You do not have to put your kids thru college. Do that if you please.

But around a believer there must be a “non-fallout zone” of a radius of 1.0 miles. I’M suggesting that. It means you radiate GIVING. You glow with blessing. Blessing gifts are as follows:

Giving

Knowledge

Encouragement

I don’t know the scripture for those. There are more things. Charity is dis attatchment from self aka patient kind love. You do it and don’t claim outstanding debt because it was God’s and you gave it. If people wrongfully drain you, why do you pick them? Some people are almost fiercely needy. It does not make them bad Or pigs. If you are a grandpa, don’t take meth-heads into your home. They may beat you up. Let younger people or swat teams beat them up or whatever.

Godliness plus contentment is great gain

and

To live is Christ and die is gain

there… Now I covered the end, how to be rich and that there is gain after death with hell escaped thru Christ

If you wish to book me for a sermon, I need a dump-load of cash, wooden chairs to break on stage so that actual PEOPLE don’t get hurt, and an additional entourage of exorcist priests who are not themselves possessed. Like the last few times. You know what? Nnevermind. I just remembered a handy verse Johnny Cash shared with me (and everyone on a CD) where he says, quotes:

Let him who does evil, do evil still

let him who is righteous be righteous still

There that sounds good to me goodbye.

Eckhart…

Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle

Eckhart Eckhart Eckhart

Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle Tolle

eck hhhhhhhhhååååårrrrrrrrrtôôôll

AH!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

khartoll. ah!

eh-kar-toll-ah

Ehkartollah

Ek are toll ah

eh kart O lahhhh

eh karrrr toe lahhhhhhhh

EK R’TOLA

ayatollah

Ayatollah

Ayatollah.  -hey!

nuh UH!

Eckhart Toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhh

lah

o sola mio

no!

ag!

The Kmetova Effect

At the Bratislava Zoo, there are experiments mixing human and plant DNA. That is the secret. But there is more...

At the Bratislava Zoo, in Slovakia, there are experiments mixing human and plant DNA. That is the secret. But there is more…

In 1960, a zoo was built around a mad science laboratory in what used to be called “Czechoslovakia”. Now that area is called “Slovakia”. Hmm. Well, after World War II, Europe authorities made up borders and countries without thinking. They did not “Czech” to see if everybody was happy there. Hahaha. Uh. Huh.

One thing the U. N. TOTALLY screwed up was to overlook the existance of:

THE MAD SCIENTIST LABORATORY!!

Well, way under ground, scientists were growing REAL cabbage patch children. Yes!! It is wrong. Bad. Unethical… It’s awesome!!

One of the OLDEST children from the lab still around is the comedian Carrot Top. I would say he is part CARROT! Wouldn’t you??? YOU’d be wrong, though. He is beets, sprouts (for height), and barley. And also Lepruchan baby DNA. Shhhh! Do not disturb him.

Also there was Shakira. She was part jumping beans, but those are not really beans you know. They used too many types of bananas and now she just has to go Kuka-munga crazy eight times a day. Okay.

So there are missing children, too. Some fled Slovakia from the lab to try to do new things. One young woman, (we can call her “Beatrice, The Berry Girl”) she moved to an island! A big one called, “Ook”! (Spelled “UK”, but then they mispronounce it). She was made at the end of last century!

So Beatrice (not her REAL name) was made up of pure antioxidant power from blueberries and was able to shoot lasers from her eyes. She shut down the lab and took all the secret books with her, writing ALL ABOUT healthy food. She even wrote…. A POPULAR BLOG!! (Gasp!!)

Head to toe, Beatrice is perfectly composed of vitamin A, B, C, D, E, F, F#, and G. So she is practically musical too, in major key. Except for the F#. (No buddy’s prefect). And her REAL name is “A-

its “An-

It’s “And-

Oh, nevermind what her name is. Just eat a well-balanced amount of fruits and vegetables and you MAY not be visited by… Her wrath! HAHAhaha!!

Well that’s all I have on THAT goofy story writing…

🍪🍫🍬🍭🍰🎂🍧🍦🍮🍩🍪🍫🍬🍭

This post is dedicated to Andrea Kmetova who writes “Health Is From Heaven”, because we are what we eat. And I think I eat experimental food, so it’s good to be reminded that being healthy is not just up to genes we are born with but choices we make.

🍎🍏🍊🍐🍒🍍🍇🍉🍓🍈

🍕🍔🍺🍟🍷🍹nnnononono… Oh, whatever

How NOT To Write

Tortured in a dark cell. In Cuba? You wish!

Tortured in a dark cell. In Cuba? You wish!

(Pardon ME. I am using a method of writing called “writing from the body” by Jim Lee. My body is wracked with pain like a Dante’s Eighth Circle of Hell. There IS no 8th circle…)

“Bad Writing” by me

Barry was a baritone singer with the group “The Berry Bombs”. He was very, Barry GOOD at singing! HAHAhaha. Hahahahahahahahahah. One day, while playing a gig at “The Coconut Bar”, a man with a nutty Argentinian/ GERMAN accent walked in the entry way, squinting with almond-shaped eyes.

It was Herr Hasselnuse, the German storm trooper in hiding with his cashew-shaped ears, walnut-shaped butt-chin and his furrowy brow, furrowed like a pecan. He would get drunk and yell at the bartender. There actually was no bartender. I lied just now. It was the world’s first “self serve bar”. When you are too drunk, robots kick you out.

This story is dedicated to my father because he was funny but he didn’t laugh enough.

…………………………………………………

See!? See??? No one wants to read CRAP like that!! So that is how not to write. Get OUT OF HERE!!!

……………………..

I wasn’t done. There! Now THAT is an example of shitty writing. Don’t write like this. Don’t mention Dad. DO NOT TELL YOUR AUDIENCE TO LEAVE!!!

………………..

Admit it. You like me. Whatever!!

🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭

Ritual De Dish Washing

It’s enough to drive you crazy. Dishes. You use them. You bring them to the kitchen.

How did their get to be so many??

You! Them! All of you. Dirty, dirty, dirty… just kidding.

Mama used to tell me:

“If you don’t put them in the washer, at least LEAVE THEM SOAKING IN WATER.”

That is Tenet One.

Tenet Two:

“Always keep one sink clear or you won’t be able to rinse anything. If the kitchen is buried, there is no solution starting point.”

Three:

If dishes are ruined, toss ‘em.

Four: paper plates rule!

Five: the most awesome dishwasher is at counter-level but is only in restaurants

The end

Hebrews Eleven

“… And they refused to be released

in order that they might attain a better

resurrection.”

…………………………………………

Question:

“A better resurrection for themselves?”

Or

A better resurrection for ALL?

Or

Is there actually one resurrection and any body may come and take part?

How does God allow better?

………………………………………

I don’t worry about epic crushing stress, pain and death. Whatever can be crushed, let it be.

Let it be = f_ _ _  it w/o the spite.

………………………………….

Mind is the presence of intention;

. . . Eyes are the focus of intention;

. . . . . Movement is the action of intention;

. . . . . . . . Breath is the flow of intention.

I am writing so I have NO INTENT. Just kidding.