If one has a buddy who is close enough to get under your skin, you FEEL PAIN but not necessarily despair. For those who feel “bullied”- I wish you could feel what I feel with my wife of TEN years. It HURTS and does hurt OFTEN. That is because my wife, as cool as she is and as difficult as a bond between a guy and woman is- she has it even worse. She was in an accident. She lived. She has a TBI- head injury. She is more… mean.
So I hear of bullying. Yeah? I won’t belittle that! Not even in a young person. But if I am not ending my life, are you the least bit curious what I live for? I mean, the accident virtually killed my wife. I am living with her reincarnation in my same life. I am dedicated to her. It hurts being “the good guy”, faithful and lonely. I have a ghost. That is my buddy.
Want to make fun? Its like… Jesus. Only who knows who he was? Lived 33 years… Feasted with his ENTOURAGE, got arrested, slapped, humiliated… segregated…
B u l l i e d…
Sentenced unfairly. Alone. NO ONE was his friend. Now he is mine. My… Takiri… Teacher, friend. Inside.
Those are my thoughts
He helps me with my thoughts to
My thoughts defend me
To tell you the truth, “suicide” is not real. But harming yourself is. THAT is the thing to avoid. Harm unto death is the thing people mean by “suicide” but also they mean to imply life is “doable” always.
Hm. There is a death I chose. Not suicide. Not homocide. “Death to self”…
Death to self is giving up OWNERSHIP of your body without being harsh. Scripture and my spirit tell me that death to self and death to sin is very close to what some Buddhists do or crave. To escape “fairly” and REALLY.
One escape is in meditative breathing. Mayahana. Its not religious. YouTube it. That’s gold! My advice. “Thich Naht Hahn”.
My advice is to see your unhealthy relationships where LOVE STILL EXISTS MUTUALLY as “SPARRING”- to be immune to:
My conscience INSISTS that I WRITE that above all, entwined with all- is one name… translates thousands of ways. My Real Lord (Vader is fiction. This one is so much tougher AND PUSHY-
WAY TRUTH LIFE JESUS
Some sneer, “He’s the only way.”- but forget to add that he not only lived, died, resurrected for real… he ascended… became one with everything just like the Dali Lama likes his hot dog…
One… With everything
Take my teacher’s hand
Like Terminator he may say:
“Come with me if you want to live.”
I have self harm scars. Big deal.
The Christ bore piercings like you wouldn’t (effing) believe
He also spent 36 months healing with power we know is real according to Eastern science only he was AMPED. PURE. Not a molester, or a killer. Not a coward. And yes he did have A LOT TO SAY but was no Tool…
He was the Snuffed Rooster
Announcing the Day
Declaring power over death
You know Judas- he was sorry he turned on Jesus. He carried more than what was written. Bible does NOT say he went down to hell as Catholics say. Bible says he “went to where he belongs”. He may have cast out demons, healed. He was still human and serves as a warning for Christians I think that we are able to fall and die by our own plan. Yikes. That is bad enough to feel despair and die.
So I don’t stray, pay a prostitute, own a GUN- all those can
Bump Set Spike me
I am terrified but not of death
I am terrified of failure to saueeze thru LIFE
I’m so SAD
My wife was beautiful
I just have to be flexible and
Endure pain (Hemophilia H.A.E.) , PTSD from almost bleeding to death
I’m not going to suicide
I am going to suffer…
Still… Its only a matter of time before sensations CHANGE and I sleep
Yesterday was blindingly PAINFUL… I was at a birthday party. My wife R was sitting there and a family member, drunk, pulled back on her neck
I wanted to die… That stopped. You see, a brain injury is worsened by dipshits who grab the neck- vertebrae
My wife woke up THIS MORNING CRYING AND SCREAMING
I HAD A PANIC ATTACK
WANTED TO DIE… It subsided
My mind said:
Play Angry Birds
Drink a Pepsi
So I did
That was my Takiri… My other… The living essence of Jesus. He doesnt play those games. I do. They help neural processes for ME…
So that I do not LOSE IT and fight with R over screaming that is not her fault and…
I WILL BE AVENGED in an appropriate way … Not by my effort
God’s vengenge finds a FIT
NOT LIKE Tv weirdo yells about. Tele tubby thumpers
I have been disciplined by God
I kind of tried to drown myself
Then thought NO
I WAS IN THE OCEAN
I still wonder if I did not die and THIS is a place beyond death
Why try again if I’m dead?
I am convinced I died
I dont mention that publicly
Nor the angels I meet
Do you want to never suicide?
High five the Christ and die like every hour
Thats where I am at
And sometimes I wonder if hell isn’t a better place for me because I’m 95% immune to pain
I’m a little mixed up
Hell paintings are COOL
I think God is a hallowed master over horrors and beautiful eternal dreams
Follow this light
If you want to live
I like people
I hate evil
But I love people
I need them