Prison Inside

Her hands are beautiful

Even her own mind tells her

That she has life and a light

But she is falling down

Falling down inside

For reasons unknown to her

She endures a heavy, fearsome weight

She wants escape

Please stay with us, honey

She suffers too quietly

So peaceful

I love this kind of girl

I have no children of my own

If this describes YOU, miss

I believe your presence is a kiss

All I do is wish I could be family to someone just like you

My life is not empty

On the contrary, I have felt the same

You are real

Perhaps I word this like I’m wacko

Perhaps to state hope is insane

But you see- I will never meet you

If you need a prayer and guardian

I am subject to God on High

if this makes sense

Maybe it’s because you are autistic

So am I

I cast blue light for ASD

Hope in hope with me

Fellowship is invisible

Safety in numbers

I do not care how you appear

If you are a 10 or 5

You are beautiful

simply beautiful

just by being alive!

solidarity is forever

A love of calm is in the spirit of the peaceful

activate what you have

I know you are strong

hang on


Not many people are aware of the suicide rates of different demographics of folks in Soceity. I am 40 and was just Dx-ed with an Autism Spectrum disorder. Now my TWENTIES make sense! Painful, I became suicidal- it great pain.

Autistic young women and men are not as visible. In my blog I can reach you… I cannot verify! But you can accept my friendship. Not just the ladies but the guys too. It just sounds funny to say the guys are beautiful too. Haha. You must understand that I am chronically ill AND have been lost like… Almost FOREVER.

I am here to speak of the nightmares, bullying and mistreatment by family and doctors. Betrayals. I am not against family. But if you ever need someone- THIS is WHAT I am. The peace I have discovered is no secret. Please take it. I have unlimited supply from the “I” in I, and I know you have unlimited power too. Any pain confirms you are awesome and strong. I do not fear for you in all you do. I just ask:

Hang on

take comfort

share courage

We are ASD in The Americas

||| 2015

Truly, Sir- What Does It Matter What Kind Of Life We Live If We Just Die In The End? What Good Is “Good”?

Poser Fresh but not of strait flesh I like B-52s Love shack You? Hah. This is a JESUS love trap. Beware! Oh jus kidding. Maybe.

Poser Fresh but not of strait flesh
I like B-52s
Love shack
You? Hah. This is a JESUS love trap. Beware! Oh jus kidding. Maybe.

This question comes from Moe Moofertonvillehillton of Jumpy-town, GA. Yep. Suuuure…

Well Moe, a CHRIST-follower is in contemplation of the mystery that he is ALREADY dead and its mystifying! In one way sad, but consider- your grief will be less to a degree should you lose your job, home or all wealth, health- even having answers and direction if one loses their spouse, God forbid.

So being dead already, and the atonement having paid by grace for all sin, the CHRIST-follower has completed his/her (spirit has no distinction) LIFE. You may say Perpetually we observe a living and dying process in communion. I declare myself “Catholic enough” to commune with Catholic, Protestant and, more often than one might think ALSO with the divisions of saints who have a different sheep faith.

Those sheep do not deny JESUS. Now not ALL believe and some are very lost, perhaps a Mafía hitman. Or a clandestine cultists following hidden ways… Or sexually immoral or homosexual offenders unable to listen to the spirit- but see THIS, this is an age of the Spirit. Each day is new. If one has been “gay” and conflicted, knowing their is a great urge, most definitely the Spirit will speak and yes, judge but not hopelessly. Or a man who gets into bed with a new willing victim girl practices sorcery of charm and webs of lies.

Sexuality is not the greatest dominion but for a man (woman also) sexuality will be even detrimental if practiced with no care. And it hurts who? Oneself! For a believer sexual immorality is open for critique by ALL, but a believer is not to judge a non-believer (claims of faith unclear). One example- I read that a pastor confronted Ellen of being gay and outspoken recently! I kind of laugh because the JESUS follower is an oddity queer to the world SO TO SPEAK and we judge our own. At risk of being JUDGED BACK! But the church is hardly about sex! Ellen does not claim to be Christian I suppose?

I find Porshe and her to be attractive! Haha. Now if they claim to be Christian, they would know by the Spirit- and perhaps one day it will come to pass that they will have a rarity called “storge”, a Greek love as siblings have. No inappropriate stuff but the love is allowed as natural. Some men, unfortunately Protestants love lesbian porn but turn around and denounce it. They are fascinated. With two frenzied women.

Same gender love can be unnatural and regrettable. In depth of practice one may grow callous but may I offer THIS bit?- homophobia is very unhealthy. Not the fear of aggressive BDSM folks who taunt and pick on youth and others- that is obviously uncool. Homo + phobic is a death of COMFORT within one’s own gender. I feel alone often and do you know who I can rely on when I am depressed?

Gay homo men.

A-ha. What is this? The study and spiritual practice with those who act out in same sex SEX is not where Zi want SEX- ha! No. Nope. These men have expertise, albeit with craving of their own where they may see the life of the right kind of saint and desire to jump… Jump away from gay life. And these spend a great deal of time establishing they have failed morally in the past.

Rosie o’Donnell said in response to pokey questions about her lesbieanness:

“I think JESUS understands me.”

How wise. He does, Rosie.

Does this justify her before the throne of God? Careful- you do not see Ellen, Posche, Rosie behaving “gay”. In fact coming out of that closet is honesty. Support is given. Let’s say being super gay is wrong. Okay so the Spirit will speak in regard to the world’s sin. Not the Christian. If they do, what a joke. If one demoralizes themself in a Soceity so accepting then those who attempt to escape have it rougher!

Sexuality itself is dangerous. Heck even in a straight marriage issues of lust and selfishness abound. Wife has a period or endometriosis and maybe husband feels bitter and starts a little thing with another man’s wife where that husband is kind of a jerk. That can end in a murder suicide. “Gay” means “anal sex”, okay and maybe my friend feels suicidal. Don’t want him to! How do you PROVE what all is warped? Well the easy answer is the true one. The Spirit guides a man. People differ.

Ever hear the conscience ought to guide you? Yes of course. Where is God calling? Mm.. I don’t think to false gods. America revamped Buhhdism to be a backbone religion for gay life, too. Actual Buddhism is more strongly against this moral rule against gay life, but notice the brotherhood and caring.

So to the Christian who is super gay- they do not have the faith. To one who fights to understand peace with God, your mistakes, known or hidden are know but covered in grace AS YOU LEARN. THere is a warning for people to be hot or cold. There are strict warnings. Outside the church is the spirit calling.

Now I am not pro gay but think about gay as ALSO “expert” on good parties, gentleness and openness to platonic friendships! As a straight man I have not many guy friends. Those straight friends inched away when I hugged and Im MARRIED! Shame! Duh!

I’m for women, but this is the Spirit speaking here when I ask:

“What kind of man were you, are you and will BE you?”

Believe me, my goal is not straightness and by No effort, my gay friends I just think “straight”. But I love dudes, yeah? You know? The Olympics run and maybe I stare at that dude swimmer. I don’t want to boof or be buffed. God does scrutize (judge) mankind but all are in a state of pathetic need. Sexual needs SCARE US ALL.

If you believe in Jesus walking on water, you know he is SEAL team 6 TOUGH on the cross. Empathetic. God has declared his son! Not war. See Jn 3:17. “Not sent to condemn the world. Sent to save it.” Is this unsettling? Then say now,

“GOD THIS IS STRANGE. I am unsettled. Speak to me. Rescue me. I will meet you one day anyway. Let’s start with my wardrobe. You gave me good taste. Thank you.”

Or if your clothes are terrible, ask for other guidance. If you wish to find more than “love” to a higher protective love and are scared. You knew this was coming. And I’m not the ONLY “nice” Christian. I will speak of judgment but dudes, you are cared for. If there was not a way through all the hurdles I would not offer hope. I do not pressure. So how do I know JESUS can love Gays? I have not been a career-gay guy! I used to make fun. I want YOU… to know the deepest truth and VALIANT love that the man saviour has for you men! Strait up, gay is a word… But you matter.

The truth is not what you think.

It’s with you in this present moment.

I still seek this man JESUS, my man friend.

Platonic are WE but I say ANYTHING.

IN Christ the faithful make up a BRIDE if you want to be collectively feminine spiritually! The men who worship Jesus are in the most fly entourage.

But maybe no one likes me.

And worse, perhaps I have not sold JESUS and the process of surrendering as attractive.

i know I am ugly to many. But this anymore  is because the world and el Diablo would rather see me gone. I have a message of love.

Im not afraid to make no friends. I AM AFRAID to not even try to reduce the gay suicide rate. You guys or your gay family matter to me. It’s only a matter of time before you will confess his great name. I want to be here now. And if you fight, you know why the temple of the body works best when the grace is poured OUT and the conscience is clear.? Life is more than playing pink and rainbow cards.

stellar beauty and pride of life in Jjesus are calling…

pick up pick up


Inverse Fate

This is a picture of me at age NOW.

This is a picture of me at age NOW.

Category: Fiction

warning: subject content heavy, attempt here for words of spiritual healing, albeit clumsy attempt. Bless Columbine CO… and bless the entire USA aka “Planet USA”!

“Not So Long Ago…”

Eric Harris was present

And then he was not

How many students died by his hand?

It may seem I am about to pick on him and his one friend I won’t name yet


And he then did not breathe

He fell to the floor

In Colorado among shell casings

He breathed no more.


He suddenly found himself

Tied to a post

Bound at the wrist

Electricity coursed thru him


Immediate judgment day

Somehow he still existed

Time slipped sideways

This is for every parent at Columbine


Make a wish

And this flogging

Can take more time

As much or as little as you need


Join him for this ride

Of fiction in a real life spacetime…

Anno Domini thirty-three

Going to be crucified until we are free


It’s okay

There are reservations

For billions of sinners

The light-weights to Sinning-sensations


Tachycardia sets in

Whipping of the lord

More painful than raw blistered

Chronic bloody diarreah hurts like a sword


Think I am kidding?

This is what we cry for!

justice with zero mercy?

who can afford?


Does preaching too much crucifix…

Does it make boys evil?

In all truth and seriousness

Should it not be taken OUT on a devil?


Ought… OUGHT…

What ought be NOW?

its been about 15 years

since a massacre in a small town


Parents of the killers…

these were your sons!

Parents of the victimized…

you lost your LOVED ONES!


Oh god.. Forgive me if I write a mistake

If I cry on the internet

which life

to take



he sustsined war pain

The two in trench coat thought in 1999

to hit a NYC building by plane!


Now it makes sense to me

The devil recruits

without putting men in

Uniforms or suits


What a price to pray on the cross!

i beg you parents to pray!!

Why?? Because in Pakistan schools

the same filthy spirit accosts!!


CHRIST died at Calvary

for ALL sin and void

but why test more? Why?

children are scared. Who is PREPARED?


entrusting to JESUS who is “saved”

Not forgetting the history

pakistan schools- pray protection in the lord

even though Gods will is a mystery


If there is not success in prayer

remember THIS


None can take the souls he carries in his fist…


None can take them out of his hand.

strike! Bleeding

none can snatch them out

Strike two! Reeling

not one can break in to heaven

strike three! Try to take their souls??

no one is lost but one

crown of thorns pressed on

children are just teenagers…

Laying… Him… Down on wood

Kip Kinkle made a model of this

Maybe just because he COULD

LIES! Says no forgiveness no saving?

first spike into the right hand!

lies! No forgiveness?

2nd spike left HAND

NO SALVATION… That impotent wood said

spike thrust THRU the ankles lifted up JESUS for the HUMAN ZOO







but we need freedom NOW!!

freedom from the bully

Terror is the bully

helplessness, too

how can we escape??

escape the human zoo??

You don’t want to go to heaven and have the the killer in view?

the killer of your children is sentenced and the killer is darkness it’s true!

And I will not stop you from hoping for justice for all…..

and I will not stop you from hoping for mercy for your SONS

EVERYbody wants their love to count

One day to see what all is about

unless you just do not care

And in THAT place the Spirit of Justice mercy and peace is there

until then…

picture for a bit

a strong saviour

young, crucified

And hit…

strong enough…

oh I am not

did I misspeak? Remember at least ONE healing thing?

JESUS gave it all he got

And he got you and me

believe it just FOR YOU…

and you are already


god bless your aftermath and your lives

i have Asperger’s… I am sorry if I hurt

anyone’s feelings… Often I am told, to shut up

maybe that is bullied. But I am forty

I do not like my life much

people do not like me

For no reason except I talk to much


In all fairness I pray:

Our father, bless the parents of Columbine victims AND shooters…

the living have hope

he holds your healing

i do not

but I try to GIVE IT ALL I got

i am just here

and SAD

MY wife and I visited Troutdale this Summer

and I am commited to peace prayer

for America

no other country!

well, just this season for Pakistan too

my faith in Jesus sees a pattern

of terror similitude

may God guard the prayer warrior!!

Advance, armies!!


in your rooms

father protect our rooms


protection in these TIMES


okay, friends of peace…

humbly take part

do your part in peace

As you see fit

love peace peace love

Fearless free

in the name of


candle lit

so be it!!

|||||||| 2015

by a. harrison

Five Star Point Flower Of Wonder

🌸 (reminds me of the son which reminds me of…

“0ur father:

good is the name

The kingdom come and

What pleases you be done

On this earth

as it is in the Frith kingdom

It is somewhat harder for us to eat, knowing our brothers in the world live in terror…

But give US Our daily bread, our father

forgive us our trespasses against our neighbor as we forgive our neighbor their trespasses against us

It is not into a test that we wish to be led, we desire deliverance from evil

Our father, show us this path

(and I will not see to this every day but my friends daughter who is seven in Pakistan needs answers now, now now now.)

our life is in you Lord

strength is in you Lord

I hope is in you Lord alone

Its you is in you

to you be the kingdom of glory the power today and evermore

May these things be so (= “amen”)

May It be (=amen)


I am not 100% nationalist for the USA. That is not how Andy Harrison rolls. But having been baptized into “the church”, I feel allegiance to and only to spiritual church, not a building or a network of buildings. Not wanting to “worry over the world too much or too little” (Sally Struthers Almost crying juxtaposed to W.C. fields grump). To give you an example, I lean anglican, and I like the pope who is Catholic (he has not royally screwed up… Yet). But I am not Anglican, Catholic, nor Protestant, I was baptized in sight of the Lord Jesus Christ.

By someone I thought was a teacher but I don’t know. There is the Aspergers again! Cannot see! As a small follower I believe is important that I actually believe this, and on pain of gods anger against me, I represent him in speech and action and I answer to god for all of this and I have experienced discipline that almost could be taken as punitive.

I’ve had medical diagnosis that could make a person feel damned. And the latest one that’s coming in is looking like ass burgers. Aspergers. Darn it, spell correct on my butt. Now I do not know how many things I have said in my life for the past 40 years that have made me look like a dummy or a jerk. I really value the gift of speaking because knowledge truly is power and I don’t have to preach at you after I always preach at myself about the court of my faith because each one has their own court. I know even more so that not everybody can say God – I can’t always say God.

Many people just spill the beans about their “testimony” and each nationality in person type says it differently but what I hear over and over and over and over is a need for light in one’s life… I may sound simple if I say this is “father” and that Jesus is a wonderful man, but it really took me forever through my pain and bad choices, Mostly hurting myself… And I would only hurt myself more to say how I’ve hurt myself in detail. ASP burgers seem like a real curse where I just say whatever when I FEEEEEL, I have even feel guilty over things that are not wrong. Puritanical pharisaical.

I am not sure who I am anymore. And this is sometimes every day. Amnesia? No dissociative-me. I do not doubt that I have the components of multiple personality now called dissociation disorder, but I try so hard to keep it together. Not forget who I am in the face of not only my own mistakes, but cruelty force on the person of my child self, my teen self, my 20s, my 30s… Into my forties.I am 40.

Because of everything I’ve had to go through, I have divided myself into two… I described it as the I… And the me. I do have friends it’s not like I do not have friends but the I spend some time beating me over the head, and the me sometimes is seeking the I. Jesus for me is the “I in my I”, “INRI”*, religion it is popular to say God is inside and that we are God… Jesus said: (quoting father God) have I not said that you are gods?

No need to become a Mormon if you are a God already? This type of God ship is an apprenticeship adopted as a child of God, priest to serve him, not to be equal to him in all respects and you ought to thank him! Want to suspend the universe off of your mortal flesh and blood? I’m sure he can show you how that works! Scripture says that no one should think more highly of themselves then they ought… However people end up thinking less of them selves and they’re really worth.

As far as worth Jesus says we children of God (Who pray our father) are worth more than many sparrows… And I would conjecture to say that the comparison is so big that he had to make a joke about it because love is so much the love is so much. I’m not a pantheist but close… I believe the maker of the universe keeps track of the single bird in flight. If you are wishing to follow him by whatever name you call him if you are a person of peace male or female absolutely does not matter. Interbeing you are a priest. In the call is the push off sin. If you have the Holy Spirit, he is helping you at your place I don’t need to know a thing.

but if any of you were saying you were in the light, and you talk about children like they are stupid and have booger noses, I will judge yeah- it says judging you will be judged.the protection of children’s dignity is worth being judged to me! Things are worth making a mistake to say!

I hate going on and on, but being not Rxed the right meds, I end up in pain beyond my wildest nightmares… Pain at the tempo of my hearts arrthmyia and that is physicality. I am tempted to believe at least once a year that I was born to be damned. Know what I do?

I picture my body as a house with a condemned sign. This is how it ought to be as we all die. I am not willing to die- I accept it.

The funny thing is that I fear being in a car accident but not dying of cancer… I am very sensitive to being beaten up. I know JESUS was, but I am much weaker than a 33 year old who walks on water…