Experience Of Horror In A Life Circus

In my experience, being punched in the face is a breeze. I was 13 and DID not see it coming and, #2 I was feeling good that day.

I actually never felt the pain. When I shook off the stunned feeling, I felt “comfortably numb”. There was no leftover animosity, either.

I imagine that on a bad day that PUNCH would feel like bricks and that experience would cause 10x, 30x… even 100x more SHOCK and hurt much worse and be scary if ONE punch became a beating.

What if the beating led to being bound?

What if the binding was to a whipping post? Would “time” slow down?

What if after whipping the victim was made to drag a tree? Drag until he fell down or stopped? That is exhaustion just like the Native American Sundance where they hang by meat hooks, RUN and dance until collapsing.

Then hynogogic visions start.

What if they nailed the carpenter to the tree?

What electric points in hands and feet are shined by cruel skewers thru bones?

No broken bones in this case…

Hung on a tree, not being killed by bleeding (though blood is poured out). So how does the victim die in this Roman death?

Some say heart rupture.

Last thing he does is shout, which is an exhale and the last breath used to scream. Sounds deliberate.

Hynogogic world. NO drug for pain- I SLIGHTLY understand “near death experience” (NDE) but NOT death…  and NDE involves hynogogic visions and other-worldly vision.

What would be SEEN if one is PAINED while sober and maximally tortured?

Eternal depths of woe?

I have had hynogogic terror visit me from my blood deficiency and health woes plus dehydration. It felt like hell. I felt guilty of every sin, crime and grime and was made to believe it was my fault. For up to about 10 days before.

Today I felt it for an hour.

I hate the thoughts that I am terrible as a person but the fire-pain-fear-shock PREACHES “you are going DOWN!”

I am in love with trying to remember those times. I can’t! You have to be IN IT!!!

In it because there is this eternal window.

How about a happy eternal window?

How about a happy eternity?

I had JUST felt the “High” nice forever window 5 days ago. Stopped antidepressant “overuse” one week ago. Then I got scrubbed today with the terror forever window with a wire brush inside my naked gut.

Yep! I am still bipolar! Haha.

Jesus hit a hellish super LOWWWW, died, stayed dead for days and popped back up. He is going to get higher and higher- that is why I want to meet him and stay with him. He owns all paradise forever!


Nothing Is Free Except My (5 New) Invention Ideas Here Worth Millions For Go Joes

This is a picture of me at age NOW.

This is a picture of me at age NOW.

Just 5 ideas. Not 10. And these are free. And this is because patent process is too arduous for me!

1) French Javanator

Simple. Cup with screw on mesh lid. Microwave to brew coffee fast with lid off!

2)  Movie Trackers

A Flat screen plays the movie (you search channel) because you don’t want to miss in the bathroom. A camera videos the movie in an agreement with Hollywood regulations as a fun idea promo.

3) Whap Mop

Simple towel marketed as simple mop that is machine washable. Operated by employing FOOT. A drying towel comes with. Easiest way to mop when there is no mop and people hate stinky mop on stick. This mop folds when dry.

4) Flavored Floss

Flossing is important. Flavors help the task like cotton candy, bubble gum, hot chocolate, steak & potato, enchilada, Snickers. Why not?

5) Think Tank Kit

A kit including book on how to be more inventive. Wow. By ME. It helps one invent a never ending number of thingies and adaptations for penniless punks and moms. I have not written it. I am too busy.

Somehow It Counts For You

Crucifixion is two tender human hands stretched by force away from the chest on the ground and perforated forcibly with metal stakes, stuffing the flesh tight in the hands. It burns more acutely than sulfuric acid I suppose. The body toughens the hands while pain can be felt in the heart. The heart beat begins to increase. The same dark sickly human monsters who pierced the hands now grab the legs. Maybe their laughter is a welcome distraction?

Maybe not. The world turns yellow orange as all the skin of the legs is torn off, or rather the skin burns with a spike strike thru your son’s naked feet. Do you still want him to die for them feeling all this in irreversible…


If’ you be tubing a wave, see Jai Breisch from Utah- he has surfed the biggest wave of all. Legendary Jai body surfed the two-thousand four Thailand wash-out and lived it thru without a doubt. See “Jai Breisch” on Facebook now. He might even respond to you. He is:

Thailand Big Kahuna

That is MY name for him. SOMEONE should name that maneuver, too. Tsunami Rush? Mega Force Aquatic? It’s a sacred thing, not just for fun. Everybody needs to know they are loved by the High One… kahuna of the Universe:


I did not name him. No. Joe and Mary did. They had a kid but not because of anything we did. He surfed our sins on an up-board shaped like a cross. They call it… The Cross. Took away the OCEAN of our bad doings. Hallelujah to the Prince of peace.

I am a sheep. That is no bull. I am not a prince like that. I have prints of pieces of knowledge of him… Saved and being saved. Looking forward to… Good things.


That is the blog author and he keeps on wanting to know when he can see Jesus. If you SEE him, he’s in Oregon. Yeah, he puts his hands to work blogging from his phone. He’s been a sinner. He loves Jesus. He can do all kinds of things but sometimes the local police have found him annoying, but the shopkeepers like him. The pharmacists girls like him. The Dollar Store girls like him. Girls like him. Guys think he is ok. Maybe even super. Not a super jerk like McEnroe or Alec Baldwin yelling at his daughter. Sometimes has been a guy yelling in pain from his medical condition.

Just what the in-arse IS a “medical condition”? His body has problems. You could say he is an old sin-bag, but he is not dead yet. Sometimes he feels strong. Like now as I step out of my third person pants.


In all reality, I am unsure of myself and my resources but one thing I am really attracted to lately (no, two)-

breathing and moving ON

In keeping these, we SET ourselves to conquer anything & everything.

would someone please

turn on the lights?

I Was Thinking

I was thinking one way to get a woman to talk to you is buy her a drink. Make yours a Coke and not alcohol because you’ll feel more raw natural vibes of pleasure- something that the right woman will eventually give you continuously. If you have a mind for merger if you get my drift. That first eight dollar drink sets the respect well before the engagement ring kill. Ladies- make sure you are slaughtered by a lover and not a fighter. If you get a fighter, loving him could be your rewarded life mission.

Manning A Woman

I’m in my forties. Male. I won’t say my race. I’m straight. Always appreciated the appearance of a woman. Even when I was a boy, I like actresses hips, smiles, lips… in real life, friends of my parents who were women were enchanting to me. Their perfume and their ways. Each had different eyes. I don’t know that I would go so far to say I fantasized about THEM spanking me for no reason other than to roleplay, but when I think about them now, well, I can understand how a boy in Junior High could end up, for REAL- getting it on with a horney blonde teacher in her thirties.

A boy is a “man-cub”, so I believe these wacko relationships between teacher and student should never happen, but better THAT than an ancient Roman coitus initiation between father and daughter or mother and son. It happened! And it STILL does. I say fuck that, excuse the pun. Its better to smother a fantasy than to feel so guilty that you shoot yourself in the head. Wanna go deeper into hell? Idiots get caught trying to “mount” horses! NO THOUGHT about the detriment it does to themselves or others or even the animal. That story gets worse. The other guy died. How? Forget it! Probably better he’s dead than to live and laugh about that and be the gardener at your kids school, or one of your factory workers.

Society tells us all about gay, gay, gay, gay. That says NOTHING. Define gay. You like colors, peach smoothies, you wear pink, you kiss, you hold hands, you like art, poems, fireplaces. Sounds civilized. If gay men called themselves “penatratos” for their spearfishing in private places, no marriages for gays would happen. Instead their name is something OTHER than their practice. They do not practice “happiness” as “gay” means. Some are much more honest and describe their state or identity as “love” in the act of two men being naked and having an intercourse (dialog ie) of bodies. This is exactly the way the Bible describes it calling it unnatural love and saying that those who do such thing incur a penalty.

Seeing as how their are penalized people, I think it behooves America to give an unnatural marriage to an unnatural people and not be condemn for it! THAT is a far cry from the gay-bashing murdering of the 1980s. America calls on Jesus? Please! America practiced the Old Testament too much and still does in its war on OTHERS. Now, I’m not pro-gay, but OVER that and more important, I am for the BODY soul and Spirit (as much as God lets me as one man be a rock for others) of those who CALL themselves “GAY”.

To me, there is no darkness in a rainbow… not even to divide cherry color from tangerine. God made the rainbow AND HE IS TAKING IT BACK!! You gays do not own it. That rainbow is for everybody! So instead of casting gay people like in San Francisco to hell, we OTHER people who have been WATCHING you, loving you, praying for you, enjoying you are going to have to “Taste the Rainbow” too. How? Accepting what is, minding our business. And you guys can stop calling us OTHER people “Haters” because it hurts. Some Christians feel martyred by that, don’t you know? And some of you who are gay grew up Christian or do go to church. If you ask me, if 90% of men are straight, then half are lying about things they think, say and feel. Honestly, I think a ton of gay men are braver than me. Not better looking. Well, some are better looking. Just kidding.

As for growing up around women- there is a big key there to avoiding women sexually. Many gay men, not all, have an over-powering mother. Lesbians, too. I’m not here to psychoanalyse, but a man once said in Group Counseling that his mother made him BE with her sexually. And he was gay. He still carried shame in his 40s from participating in incest and was split into a same-sex sexualized being, not the happiest where mutual masturbation is the spirit of the relationship- not literal masturbation but a mirror.

I believe gay sex is inherently a narcissus well-spring, never drinking true water because they don’t want to ruin the mirror. Here is my advice. Ruin your mirror. Be your real self. If you are gay. Don’t stop being gay. Stop acting gay about being gay. Look in a literal mirror instead of your lover’s eyes. What do you see? I would say man, woman… or are you hermaphroditic male or hermaphroditic female, no sex organs at all, sex-change pre or sex-change post?? If you were my niece or nephew, I’d like you. Love? No. Just kidding.

Join my island. Its the fruity rainbow island. I didn’t make it. God did. You are on it. Its “Island Earth”. God want to be your father. Jesus IS your lord, like it or not. Not like Lord Vader, but… well… maybe for some of you if he find you not where you are to be. Thank you for your time!! Thanks for reading this. I won’t answer comments. I know I’m right.

Peach and strawberry hi octane vodka or no, twist of lime, blessings,

Andrew Harrison

Zillionaire, recluse  and author of “Rainbow Tsar: Dare To Be More Than Just Gay” 1974