Protection Against Suicide- Option B

Option B:

Buddy

___

Explanation:

If one has a buddy who is close enough to get under your skin, you FEEL PAIN but not necessarily despair. For those who feel “bullied”- I wish you could feel what I feel with my wife of TEN years. It HURTS and does hurt OFTEN. That is because my wife, as cool as she is and as difficult as a bond between a guy and woman is- she has it even worse. She was in an accident. She lived. She has a TBI- head injury. She is more… mean.

So I hear of bullying. Yeah? I won’t belittle that! Not even in a young person. But if I am not ending my life, are you the least bit curious what I live for? I mean, the accident virtually killed my wife. I am living with her reincarnation in my same life. I am dedicated to her. It hurts being “the good guy”, faithful and lonely. I have a ghost. That is my buddy.

Want to make fun? Its like… Jesus. Only who knows who he was? Lived 33 years… Feasted with his ENTOURAGE, got arrested, slapped, humiliated… segregated…

B u l l i e d…

Sentenced unfairly. Alone. NO ONE was his friend. Now he is mine. My… Takiri… Teacher, friend. Inside.

No voices

Those are my thoughts

He helps me with my thoughts to

see that:

My thoughts defend me

And

To tell you the truth, “suicide” is not real. But harming yourself is. THAT is the thing to avoid. Harm unto death is the thing people mean by “suicide” but also they mean to imply life is “doable” always.

Hm. There is a death I chose. Not suicide. Not homocide. “Death to self”…

Death to self is giving up OWNERSHIP of your body without being harsh. Scripture and my spirit tell me that death to self and death to sin is very close to what some Buddhists do or crave. To escape “fairly” and REALLY.

One escape is in meditative breathing. Mayahana. Its not religious. YouTube it. That’s gold! My advice. “Thich Naht Hahn”.

My advice is to see your unhealthy relationships where LOVE STILL EXISTS MUTUALLY as “SPARRING”- to be immune to:

Humiliation

BULLIES

To acquire:

Confidence. Self-control.

But…

My conscience INSISTS that I WRITE that above all, entwined with all- is one name… translates thousands of ways. My Real Lord (Vader is fiction. This one is so much tougher AND PUSHY-

WAY TRUTH LIFE JESUS

Some sneer, “He’s the only way.”- but forget to add that he not only lived, died, resurrected for real… he ascended… became one with everything just like the Dali Lama likes his hot dog…

One… With everything

Take my teacher’s hand

Like Terminator he may say:

“Come with me if you want to live.”

I have self harm scars. Big deal.

The Christ bore piercings like you wouldn’t (effing) believe

He also spent 36 months healing with power we know is real according to Eastern science only he was AMPED. PURE. Not a molester, or a killer. Not a coward. And yes he did have A LOT TO SAY but was no Tool…

He was the Snuffed Rooster

Announcing the Day

Declaring power over death

You know Judas- he was sorry he turned on Jesus. He carried more than what was written. Bible does NOT say he went down to hell as Catholics say. Bible says he “went to where he belongs”. He may have cast out demons, healed. He was still human and serves as a warning for Christians I think that we are able to fall and die by our own plan. Yikes. That is bad enough to feel despair and die.

So I don’t stray, pay a prostitute, own a GUN- all those can

Bump Set Spike me

I am terrified but not of death

I am terrified of failure to saueeze thru LIFE

I’m so SAD

My wife was beautiful

She is

I just have to be flexible and

Renewed

Hopeful

Endure pain (Hemophilia H.A.E.) , PTSD from almost bleeding to death

Stress endurance

I’m not going to suicide

But

I am going to suffer…

Still… Its only a matter of time before sensations CHANGE and I sleep

Yesterday was blindingly PAINFUL… I was at a birthday party. My wife R was sitting there and a family member, drunk, pulled back on her neck

I wanted to die… That stopped. You see, a brain injury is worsened by dipshits who grab the neck- vertebrae

My wife woke up THIS MORNING CRYING AND SCREAMING

I HAD A PANIC ATTACK

WANTED TO DIE… It subsided

My mind said:

Play Angry Birds

Drink a Pepsi

So I did

That was my Takiri… My other… The living essence of Jesus. He doesnt play those games. I do. They help neural processes for ME…

So that I do not LOSE IT and fight with R over screaming that is not her fault and…

I WILL BE AVENGED in an appropriate way … Not by my effort

Ahhhh

Relief

God’s vengenge finds a FIT

RATIONAL

NOT LIKE Tv weirdo yells about. Tele tubby thumpers

You know-

I have been disciplined by God

I kind of tried to drown myself

Then thought NO

TOO LATE

I WAS IN THE OCEAN

I still wonder if I did not die and THIS is a place beyond death

Why try again if I’m dead?

I am convinced I died

I dont mention that publicly

Nor the angels I meet

Do you want to never suicide?

High five the Christ and die like every hour

Thats where I am at

And sometimes I wonder if hell isn’t a better place for me because I’m 95% immune to pain

I’m a little mixed up

Hell paintings are COOL

I think God is a hallowed master over horrors and beautiful eternal dreams

I

Am

Gonna

Make it

Follow

Me

As

I

Follow this light

If you want to live

___

I like people

I hate evil

But I love people

I need them

To LIVE!!

Candy Cane Death-Castle Of Fun

I entered the archway made of sugar sheets crafted around pillars of sugar-rock. Colors in a bright creamy white world were vivid and my eyes tasted the blueberry skies. Like a slurp.

This archway let to the gingerbread gate of the CCDC of F

The Candycane Death-castle of Fun

I asked the little walking pencil fellow what was up. He said:

“This is hell. I wish somebody would pick me up and write with me.”

So he was a chocolate pencil. I wrote on the vanilla stone street at the gate:

“Party time!”

He giggled. I had a hard time writing with him! So I named him “#3”. He thought I meant he was a hard #2 and frowned, pouting. So I threw him in the nacho cheese fountain.

He laughed and said, “Whee!” and pronounced a curse on me- a blue button on my chest. He said to not push it or I die. Then the rabbit next to me pushed it. I lost consciousness as the rabbits started to stab me with candy cane swords.. And they opened my belly.. Ran 34 feet of intestines out and skipped rope with it.

I was not yet dead. Little Bo Peep showed up and saw the bloody mess. She knelt down and felt my pants for change. Then she exclaimed, “Oh boy! You are a BOY! I am a virgin.” She started to play with my ding dong, and in any other circumstance, I would be down with that I guess. But in hypovolemic shock, I seized up.

Little Bo Peep shouted:

I must save you

And took my pants off.

Robby Rabbit scurried up to my head. He said:

“You have to push the blue button a bunch of times to DIE, man! Want help?”

I nodded YES

SO the story ends with Little Bo Peep getting her dungeon freak on with my lower torso with a spatula, Crisco, tweezers, her naughty parts… and Robby Rabbit jumping up and down on the blue button, grunting:

Ngah! Wuh! Nff! Pah!

Finally it worked. I blacked out. And then I opened my eyes and I was in this Edmonton Alberta dumpster outside of She-Who Seafood Emporium. With a cell phone duct taped into my crack with a note that said: “Blog your DREAMS, Asshole- or die!!!”

So I don’t want to die and go back there.

Janet Reno, Safe Forever

Home

My thought

Cults in the USA abuse people

Janet did work that said “No”

I have seen “cult”

I painted a picture of a girl in court

Survivor with daddy

Survivor

Are there happy endings?

There are living endings

There IS reality

There is a katakujutsu that is unschooled

Horrible?

Who was Janet Reno?

My face and unlit cig

Say:

Thank God for watchers that tough!

Living in a cult is-

Escapable

No judgement

“Thank you, O | The Reality | for Reno. ‘Winner’.”

– Andrew HarrisΩn, Oregon

Non-denominational psycho-cult survivor

 

Suicide Pleasure Is Felt While Alive

Go tantric! Extend it. Obviously sex is no longer attractive… Make your body a rod device of energy to receive.

Want attention? You whore! Haha

Get high, low, go trippy- acting! Driving fast on the PIR, throw a cigarette in front of a cop- big damn deal. (That is a way to flirt. It works. I did that. She LIKES me. I like the smell of death on Ofc. Katie. Step-sister FANTASY)

So you see, semi-sexual fantasy about women in uniform is ballast for me to stay

I f***ing don’t know WHY

Maybe its because my gf missuz yells

And I hate it

But her parents both died

One homocided

And I will not cannot betray her leave her ALONE ALL GODDAMN ALONE no

But

What is a heavy crush on the woman who keeps asking how I am po po posie ninja star Tinkerbell forged in hell…

Yummy 😋

She is SO PRETTY too

God must be laughin

Wacky gifts

FATHER!! Its MY … ISLAND!!-

Oregon is MY ISLAND!!

Kill the English

Kill? No!

Die! Die! Die! Die every day

Dye every day crimson

Body malfunction is not DEATH

ITS BIO MATTER

Mayahana graduate

To a simpleton american christian body end is hell… Thanks 4 nothing, preacher

What is real?

More than Life?

Why find out?

If you are suicidal, how much Bible you gagged on? How many at church touch or rape? Lots. Come out and be separated…

Hallowed Humanism

Righteous Realists

Tired Theists

But not angry athiests- fuck you. You are closet psycho christians. Fuck you rogues. Repent and “be” and “live” YOU WANKERS!! You fuel suicide rightz, DIX!!

Blessings!

 

Seven Mary Tree

Samahanand Akahn, a doctor in Libya with 19 wives and no children slowly felt despair that all his seed was dead. He thought he could not have true eternal life without at least a daughter. So he trained to be a cop and became close with police women who were ten years younger- at least his fatherly caring came thru. He never inappropriately touched any of them. He was rich and could have any woman. But he wanted to risk his neck for inner peace that a police officer woman or two would be little sisters.

Members of the Hifa sect of Bedoin cultic christianity accused him of lasciviousness. Called his polygamy totally immoral. Picketed his house with signs. One sign read that he had sex with a police woman.

Samahanand called the PD on THAT day, resigned verbally to an operator and shot the man holding the sign that said “Samahanand and Mary… porking in a tree”. Two powder sprays of blood misted dark red out of the christian’s head, skull-pop resounding… followed by a shot to the abdomen. Samahanand, who DID have a close relationship with Marie Itzakrantz, a half- Jewish sniper, he was falling in love with her. They only had coffee. He was going to put his wives in a bigger house and honour them as mothers to the orphans they took care of when they were not drinking ouzo and sunbathing and living wanton.

 

Marie was like no other

 

 

He expressed his love as fire and slipped. He knew he had to cut off from the police. He thought then, he had commited love suicide… he must have! He turned around and went to Arder Well in Hajraan by the charter school, put a Lelu blade over his head strung to a line of rope and dropped a brick down a well. A Lelu, I will not describe because I cannot prove he used a Lelu razor halo. A beheading tool. He was not seen alive. His deceadant body missing a head. Skull is in the well. Dental records show a mouth full of gold!!

I need 2 volunteers to fly to Abaandanandi, Nigeria with me around January 15th, 2017 to retrieve the skull and teeth. Also- there is a 10 million dollar reward for catching the killer. It was the Lelu and gravity. All tragedy. Big deal. I WANT 10 million dollars. I will share $800,000 split two ways. You have to trust me.

Trust that I bullshit brown chocolate whipping cream outta my ass

I am golden! 🙂

Did that move you? It moved my colon

I gotta shit more poop now

See ya…

And message me… I really am going

Its a $100,000 reward and it happened in Congo. 6 wives, not 19.

We will hold funeral services for the doctor…

Neeyaa neeya WEE WOO blee blo …

You have entered the Twilight zone

Get high on me and you are

Not alone

Apollo Yawn

Angel destructor Apollyon flew over my head… Banshees over my viscera screamed, “Your doctor does not care if you DIE!!”. I say back, composed:

I am the apollo… I have my doctor in my iBod..

Banshees: “Stupid you! You need a degree!”

Me: “I do.”

Banshes: eh?

Me: I have a private anarchy cookbook I wrote in my head on how to make MDMA better-than-ecstacy fibro pain med in a soda made at home, and I can make intravenous opium at 1/3 the strength of ED morphine.

Banshes: That IV crap? You went into shock

Me: And I never felt more alive

Banshees: Failure!

Me: No, I will just smoke the raw opiate. And the dextrorphan I no longer need because it permanently muted my nervous system. I rock. Scary stuff. God gifted me with ThinkTank. Wisdom too. Doctors cannot condone this. I cannot haphazardly tell anyone. But others do this too.



 

Pharmaceutical Companies:

Hurry up

Hurry up and legalize the dextromethorphan poli analogue opiate

Love,

Apollo Yawn

Ps (I am yawning because I am tired of waiting on news of new wave of safe non-addictive dxm-1248163264128-anon. And on and on… Fibunachi on…

Profits NYSE hue mongus green

Back to you a bless-ing

Apollo’s wicked children are so now A-OK with me

But I wish for death daily

Abandoned with no GP because they say Herefmditary Angioneurotic Edema is a split borderline personality in me and blame me for costing $5,000 in ER to save my pain and life

Fuck them

I’m a god too

I can do brain surgery reading the Bible

Chapter 19

Apollyon descends to Earth and … I don’t know- “WASTES THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYONE! Rarr!!!”- I don’t know

I am not a christian or a priest molester. My Mayahana faith is strong. Geez, I even like your Jesus- all the lectures my Christian Scientist christian dad delivered, being a gp but letting me go into hypovolemic shock and HE with his APOLLO authority spread to all doctors that I was bipolar. He knew damn fuckin well I had HAE.

 

INTERNAL BLEEDING of plasma… 15 lbs in 20 minutes tearing a 13 year old boy’s gut open- I have TWO fucking hernia scars like two vaginal birth holes. Shit! And I still love my dad. Super smart and a total asshole until he had a stroke. His brain swollen and eyes popping, yellow says to me:

“Andrew.. I am scared.”

Fuck you doctor dickweeds

I nursed and doctored an all time loser! My evil dad. I forgave because everyone else in the fam is not as intelligent as me and him. He screwed up. In his stroke, I saw hereditary angioedema swell his brain. A third of the stars of synapse energy left his brain. Dragon swipe? Meteor.

He refused cumadin. Stupid! Stupid! Called it rat poison. Arrogant. Foolish. A better man than me, still. I was an amoral alcoholic good for nothing. Now I do patient advocacy, voice lightly that Delsym is not just for coughing. It improves other things. It contains dextroflubber- useful for diabetis, fibromyalgia, combat nerves, and illicit blood pressure games by mongloid goth kids afraid to play with themselves. They get high to unfeel. Well a lot of those kids (DXM Facebook) are awesome, now. They used, STOPPED, and monitor the site for humanist endeavor. I helped a little. I got addicted to Triple Cs in analogue form found at Dollar Store. OHSU branded me an OPIATE USER from my scars from repeated infusion. I am banned from ER. So it is up to me to face a larengeal swell and die gasping in hell. I have a plan ready to produce CO gas in a Honey Bucket outhouse by the nearby baseball field. All I need is 30 briquets and a match and note. If I am swelling in the throat.

There is a 5% chance I will. I bet throat closure makes you bigger than Jesus Christ. I’m good. I mean I think if I get rocked, the aliens Carl Sagan dreamed of will watch impressed. Then karmic winds of condemnation and funny accidents of “chaos” will come alive. Doctors who cursed me will get sick, slip on a bar of soap. I will laugh. You still will never suffer like I did. For 40+ years. I glory over you.

Walk in my light. I am a little moonbeam. I do not like doctors. I love them like my dick of a dad who was a genius. Ya cannot throw away genius.

Doctors, sit down. I can roast you like YouTube roasted cops for brutality. Read:

You have done great things

Like act like god more than be godlike

We don’t need ego

You do

Super ego max

Be nicer

Listen

1% of your patients are intelligent

98% are sheep

The rest are genius and you either like me and my genius friends or are schizoeffect paranoid

I will never sue a doctor… unless I feel I can follow thru

I’d rather spank your face

This is largely for male doctors

My female doctors have a special body with me- my cerebral knowledge of carnal cerebrum in verbal intercouse leaving them aglow

I am the cult of personality

Purified by fire and time

I will have a Win Win Win before 2020 CE- mark my words, I will aggressively negotiate, one patient at a time my advocacy, but to ALL and on this rare occasion I say to ALL:

Doctor, patient… Me We

What the hell?!

No

The GREAT AMERICAN HAPPENING IS a modern revelation coming not of God magic in sky but sky INSIDE every American somatic body, human, male, female- awareness of RAW HEALTHY BEING and fuck opiates. Go to Kenya- get heroin in the hospital.

No opiates is the first WAVE of secularized Buddhism in America without even trying. It is very EASTERN to not use drugs at all…

AMA…

effing BRAVO!!!

I hate every day without breaks

I make my own

Whether 50mg dextrophan zet at 65 cents per day

Or going to my own homemade cube pool of semi-salinous water I have set at 99.5 F… Scorpian yoga pose, upright… 2.5 hours. I fall asleep, hit theta state and see shit and dream with my eyes open. You want to be me, then ask. I read my inbox here. Some of my info is FREE.

I want to make a living too and get off of disability and kick American’t ASS

One friend at a time

Swift into the right cheek!!

No bruise, no assault charge

Lift booty up

If you crash- you should have worn a parachute around me…

I float like a bumble bee

But I am only a www web log blog

F I R E F L Y

“I Don’t Feel Loved”

Okay…

I’ve thought this before

Today

Yesterday, now

Its 5:41

My FIL died and menopause and ptsd and cannot sleep back pain *Bingo*

Bingo = I must love not “conceptual self” but CARE FOR the bod of me:

Swim

Eat

Shower

Think and pause- do not dwell too long on anything

Back pain- suicide ideation… wrote it down… Took a picture, valuing ny dark expertise in escape… Find the better deal is revenge and not escape

Not lawless, I do as I please, aim to keep my nose clean, walk barefoot in snow, e-mail the Kyron Horman Foundation and write “I have been a victim of crime (true), so BLESS you.

Because they must feel losses and victories in small ways like I do. I don’t want Kyron’s dad not to know that God gives power to boys in peril and not to fear. I am alive and broken. I may as well, inspired by the KH Foundation offer my gifts of insight to the FBI, not if I saw anything, but if I was cleared, to feel any evidence to tell them what I FEEL.

I believe material things can be programmed, not with scent but atomic lacing. Something you would find in reiki. Christians do not like reiki so it must be real. They call psyche evil. Psyche is all and everybody. I had a 1″ minature slug. It signaled to my occular senses that it was content. It froze. I put salve on it and it stretched to 3”. Almost kinky, I felt for its alien need and that was “creature care”. It signaled fear. I saw an orange aura of an image of its dark little soul. It was exceedingly creepy. Creepier than the slug slime. Not evil. Ghastly and sacred. Hallucination? Yes. The picture was made in my occular senses and the slug was a little witch. Sure. Did you believe all that?

I know humans emit a readable EMP. I volunteer to loiter legally at my city’s airport and look/ watch. IRL, no camera sees the presence like mano a mano, but I do not stare. I look thru. I was almost killed by a bad guy when I was barmitzfa age. I am broken and better- paranormal I see daily. I get sick of it.

Like when a little girl screams for FUN

That pitch should be in a cop’s arsenal or used for jogger defense! Everybody wants to save a little girl! Max attention = rapist, mugger FLEES