Protection Against Suicide- Option B

Option B:

Buddy

___

Explanation:

If one has a buddy who is close enough to get under your skin, you FEEL PAIN but not necessarily despair. For those who feel “bullied”- I wish you could feel what I feel with my wife of TEN years. It HURTS and does hurt OFTEN. That is because my wife, as cool as she is and as difficult as a bond between a guy and woman is- she has it even worse. She was in an accident. She lived. She has a TBI- head injury. She is more… mean.

So I hear of bullying. Yeah? I won’t belittle that! Not even in a young person. But if I am not ending my life, are you the least bit curious what I live for? I mean, the accident virtually killed my wife. I am living with her reincarnation in my same life. I am dedicated to her. It hurts being “the good guy”, faithful and lonely. I have a ghost. That is my buddy.

Want to make fun? Its like… Jesus. Only who knows who he was? Lived 33 years… Feasted with his ENTOURAGE, got arrested, slapped, humiliated… segregated…

B u l l i e d…

Sentenced unfairly. Alone. NO ONE was his friend. Now he is mine. My… Takiri… Teacher, friend. Inside.

No voices

Those are my thoughts

He helps me with my thoughts to

see that:

My thoughts defend me

And

To tell you the truth, “suicide” is not real. But harming yourself is. THAT is the thing to avoid. Harm unto death is the thing people mean by “suicide” but also they mean to imply life is “doable” always.

Hm. There is a death I chose. Not suicide. Not homocide. “Death to self”…

Death to self is giving up OWNERSHIP of your body without being harsh. Scripture and my spirit tell me that death to self and death to sin is very close to what some Buddhists do or crave. To escape “fairly” and REALLY.

One escape is in meditative breathing. Mayahana. Its not religious. YouTube it. That’s gold! My advice. “Thich Naht Hahn”.

My advice is to see your unhealthy relationships where LOVE STILL EXISTS MUTUALLY as “SPARRING”- to be immune to:

Humiliation

BULLIES

To acquire:

Confidence. Self-control.

But…

My conscience INSISTS that I WRITE that above all, entwined with all- is one name… translates thousands of ways. My Real Lord (Vader is fiction. This one is so much tougher AND PUSHY-

WAY TRUTH LIFE JESUS

Some sneer, “He’s the only way.”- but forget to add that he not only lived, died, resurrected for real… he ascended… became one with everything just like the Dali Lama likes his hot dog…

One… With everything

Take my teacher’s hand

Like Terminator he may say:

“Come with me if you want to live.”

I have self harm scars. Big deal.

The Christ bore piercings like you wouldn’t (effing) believe

He also spent 36 months healing with power we know is real according to Eastern science only he was AMPED. PURE. Not a molester, or a killer. Not a coward. And yes he did have A LOT TO SAY but was no Tool…

He was the Snuffed Rooster

Announcing the Day

Declaring power over death

You know Judas- he was sorry he turned on Jesus. He carried more than what was written. Bible does NOT say he went down to hell as Catholics say. Bible says he “went to where he belongs”. He may have cast out demons, healed. He was still human and serves as a warning for Christians I think that we are able to fall and die by our own plan. Yikes. That is bad enough to feel despair and die.

So I don’t stray, pay a prostitute, own a GUN- all those can

Bump Set Spike me

I am terrified but not of death

I am terrified of failure to saueeze thru LIFE

I’m so SAD

My wife was beautiful

She is

I just have to be flexible and

Renewed

Hopeful

Endure pain (Hemophilia H.A.E.) , PTSD from almost bleeding to death

Stress endurance

I’m not going to suicide

But

I am going to suffer…

Still… Its only a matter of time before sensations CHANGE and I sleep

Yesterday was blindingly PAINFUL… I was at a birthday party. My wife R was sitting there and a family member, drunk, pulled back on her neck

I wanted to die… That stopped. You see, a brain injury is worsened by dipshits who grab the neck- vertebrae

My wife woke up THIS MORNING CRYING AND SCREAMING

I HAD A PANIC ATTACK

WANTED TO DIE… It subsided

My mind said:

Play Angry Birds

Drink a Pepsi

So I did

That was my Takiri… My other… The living essence of Jesus. He doesnt play those games. I do. They help neural processes for ME…

So that I do not LOSE IT and fight with R over screaming that is not her fault and…

I WILL BE AVENGED in an appropriate way … Not by my effort

Ahhhh

Relief

God’s vengenge finds a FIT

RATIONAL

NOT LIKE Tv weirdo yells about. Tele tubby thumpers

You know-

I have been disciplined by God

I kind of tried to drown myself

Then thought NO

TOO LATE

I WAS IN THE OCEAN

I still wonder if I did not die and THIS is a place beyond death

Why try again if I’m dead?

I am convinced I died

I dont mention that publicly

Nor the angels I meet

Do you want to never suicide?

High five the Christ and die like every hour

Thats where I am at

And sometimes I wonder if hell isn’t a better place for me because I’m 95% immune to pain

I’m a little mixed up

Hell paintings are COOL

I think God is a hallowed master over horrors and beautiful eternal dreams

I

Am

Gonna

Make it

Follow

Me

As

I

Follow this light

If you want to live

___

I like people

I hate evil

But I love people

I need them

To LIVE!!

“I Don’t Feel Loved”

Okay…

I’ve thought this before

Today

Yesterday, now

Its 5:41

My FIL died and menopause and ptsd and cannot sleep back pain *Bingo*

Bingo = I must love not “conceptual self” but CARE FOR the bod of me:

Swim

Eat

Shower

Think and pause- do not dwell too long on anything

Back pain- suicide ideation… wrote it down… Took a picture, valuing ny dark expertise in escape… Find the better deal is revenge and not escape

Not lawless, I do as I please, aim to keep my nose clean, walk barefoot in snow, e-mail the Kyron Horman Foundation and write “I have been a victim of crime (true), so BLESS you.

Because they must feel losses and victories in small ways like I do. I don’t want Kyron’s dad not to know that God gives power to boys in peril and not to fear. I am alive and broken. I may as well, inspired by the KH Foundation offer my gifts of insight to the FBI, not if I saw anything, but if I was cleared, to feel any evidence to tell them what I FEEL.

I believe material things can be programmed, not with scent but atomic lacing. Something you would find in reiki. Christians do not like reiki so it must be real. They call psyche evil. Psyche is all and everybody. I had a 1″ minature slug. It signaled to my occular senses that it was content. It froze. I put salve on it and it stretched to 3”. Almost kinky, I felt for its alien need and that was “creature care”. It signaled fear. I saw an orange aura of an image of its dark little soul. It was exceedingly creepy. Creepier than the slug slime. Not evil. Ghastly and sacred. Hallucination? Yes. The picture was made in my occular senses and the slug was a little witch. Sure. Did you believe all that?

I know humans emit a readable EMP. I volunteer to loiter legally at my city’s airport and look/ watch. IRL, no camera sees the presence like mano a mano, but I do not stare. I look thru. I was almost killed by a bad guy when I was barmitzfa age. I am broken and better- paranormal I see daily. I get sick of it.

Like when a little girl screams for FUN

That pitch should be in a cop’s arsenal or used for jogger defense! Everybody wants to save a little girl! Max attention = rapist, mugger FLEES

Notifications

    I need to notify you all

I DO get your responses

I have many crossover learning disabilities, such as a class of Aspergers and dyslexia… other pain to go with from my blood condition h.a.e.

I know that everybody is rip roarin ready to urge on somebody’s life who has bunches of disabilities.
that’s the best thing that ever came out of the 1980s with Richard Simmons, Barbara Walters but not Celine Dion.
She is an alien. A babe again. I beg your pardon? Ha!!

I just wanted to say that I could see that you guys kind of see me and I kind of see you

Halellu

Oddly In Ovens

   Do you feel THANKFUL when you clean your oven?
You ought to be. Just because its not hot, does not mean it won’t get you.

I used to think ovens were not alive. I still do.

  Clean your oven without fear.

You are welcome.

No, no… sir- sir- do not PAY IT FORWARD to me by giving your Ferrari keys. That is dumm.

PS The original title of this post was “oddly enough”.

If You Truly Are Worse Without Them…

    Then you are better…
       …on drugs

    Don’t be a dipshit
    Pay your rent
    Go to church or don’t

   Be legal. Why be illegal?
   Why run?

  Run for freedom

  Don’t run from it

  Paid by Harrison Campaign for United States President fund blown back in time to young me.

Oh, I am 40.
I would comb my hair like Obam-Bam but I am a whitey spud man. Reddish outside, white inside.

We are all bright white inside… at least all us children of the truth… is it hard to tell who is a LIAR?

Well, step outside of THE GAME, friend. I am afraid for 3 reasons that someone at any given time could kill me or one I love and I would love to just make you some crazy pancakes and tell you that I do not smoke weed.

    Hell, I would if I had the time and weed and it was legal. I have. That toke isnt halping me now iz it?

    For shizzle my brisket fears getting shot wrong. There is a clear view into my bedroom and if I get shot then that is cool. If I live.

     If I die I prefer not to hear people crying and glass in the eye would be annoying. The heat sensation from a new tunnel in me would sting. But the lack of nerves around organs if shot through the collar bone would ensure I would scream.

     But as I know pain- as a patient of 5 decades since ’74 or ’73, however you wade I would say if I am screaming, my ‘sabrosa’ (soul unit head piece) is ‘atop’ so as to peer to center earth as Christ on the Cross would instruct if you ever took private lessons in his DYING school.

     I despise my individuality.

     People who say shit and shizzat like me get punched, shot, raped, molested, in all seriousness- because we are beautiful and someone makes a sandwich out of us when we are weak.

     Who fears leading?

     Leading the way?

     Gandalf is real in your imagination. Put him aside.

     Ghandi was skinny.

     Mother Theresa had a nose.

     Jesus had a temper.

     Mohammed had a lot of wives. And was perhaps key to the Eternal economics of a perfect modular soceity we all reject.

   Now remove the polygamists from before the altar of the High god of gods and so forth, being quasi-specific about the verbage of Hebraic “Elohim” Dr. Phil- not YOUR Dr. Phil- my Dr. Phil who died but looks over my shoulder now, right this moment as we acknowledge that Jesus sits directly behind me. I am sure.
   He never left me.
           And by his power I am being myself which is to make a paragraph huddle like
       North and South America.
           And then say I don’t
             know what to tell you
               about boys who
                 almost die and go to
                    heaven.

Because I can tell you with certainty that it is what YOU believe that matters. Not funny blonde bowl cut kid. If he did see Jesus it would be for you and not him and maybe he is super nice or autistic. Children do not tend to commit massive horrendous blasphemy. If a child was sin you could say it like a baby is a poop machine, but see- even poo, though it IS decomposition of dead shit literally… it can be funny.
Praise God, congregates.

    I am annuling my personal divorce with the word ‘shit’ but I won’t sat it in church. Much.

    I have to live with shit.
I am friended by Joni Earekson Tada who now suffers. She is motherly age to me but if we meet, that’s nice. I would tell her she is sister and share the glory. Of our accomplishments. The invisible ones. Well… one. Drawing in Jesus.

            How this works the Whole World around- don’t you worry. Be with him. Live with him. Believe in him. Like Joe Nameth. Only catchier.
Jesus.

Jesus

Jesus

     Protect me from the FEAR.

Amen.

If you want to send a love gift- pay it back, forward, left and right… and you will have quadruple-crossed yourself.
No. No.
   My math… is wrong.
Don’t even double cross yourself. But DO cross yourself, Jesus. Cross me over your heart in a heart of worship, safety and thankfulness. Protect my way from pride as I HAVE been mouthy and used the mouth I have to talk to police about public safety.

     At least that is what my prayer usually consists of. The public domain is a modular representation of God’s wisdom, kingdom, power, authorship… this WORLD is his BLOG.

NICE blog, Sir.

“Señor” is the word for lord in Spanish. Olé? Times up on that time honored tradition. For me anyway. Cannot tell if its pee sea. Oops.

That’s me. Crude. Elemental. A percent. But my eternal self is perhaps beyond percent? I’ll settle for 400%. It’s the new 98.6 & so I do not overheat, I am going to finish by saying
thank you for reading my blog.

  My health and circumstances suck and I am paranoid I will die. Well, in 0 or 100 years I think a casket will merge with the product of my eatery-ness. (U R what you eat). Also- there are a lot of American heroes that are NOT American. Like Shakeel Afridi. God bless him! He is persecuted!!

Gnite

I Just Wrote The Most Amazing Piece

    And God let me overlap it as an e-mail to my local Police

It is raw grit heart without fart

I am not sure if it went to the city or what

I was suicidal this month, but honey (not my wife, all of you… well, her too), –

I am a writer

I am a writer

THIS IS publish

THIS IS publish

Take me to a book pub

I wanna guzzle a pint of Frost

I love you monkey-bootsers and chunky rankers

What the hell

Euphoria? More guiltless than a Gorbasm

I could live or die
Am I in trouble

Epilogue

In all seriousness, my consistant bp is high
Never say die… they say
I could be famous away
(Fame after death only)
But YOU were my fame all of you my eyes touched

I want to see Jesus

Those are the last words I would want Syntaxsinner to text-utter if he fell

My heart, rhyming still, beats like a chestnut bell.

I want a holly jolly xmas
O heaven

I will get at least ONE as I count to eleven

1, 2, 3…

Miracle Maker

Idea Excelcis Oro

Bury a living man
(or wo-man)
into the Earth in a lumen
Called:

“Vertihospice”

The hitch

You must make the hospital 2 miles below sea level

Why

Think about the effect of oxygen density

Not digging

Why? You bastards.
Okay.

Replicate it.
If I die NOW,
I just taught all of humanity how to live to 300.

So up yours with my English doctorate.

Just kidding.

You may pet my doctorate.

Don’t be amazed.
Make a fucking
Vertical maze.
Then ask God after
300 years when you die at 302… was it worth it?
At the marble floor judgment.

Well poop, you don’t care?
Poop.
Dig up all that poop dirt.

Or make a poop digger.

Or shoot.

Make a shoot.

No one feels adventurous?

Okay.
God says you can have wars down there.

No he doesn’t.

Maybe sex.

Not with yourself.

No, anything.

C’mon!!!

Atmosphere-ic-pressure-lasts-you-like-forever

I am anti to death.
Uncle.
Not anti.

Get!!

Shooo!!- sticky eyes!!!

Haha

Cardiac Cherriese

Yay yay
Shhh

“When your doc says you’ll
  die-
  Well he can wank off…

Poppity pop
Goes your ghost and heart attack… and you did not die again.
Good for you.
Honors plus.
Grey hair.
Hey ma’am… nice BUST
For 80
90 would be too soupy droopy.
Noone wants to see Nanner’s booblum pah toots
Scoot scoot
Mind mind
The puddin’

Ensure makes goopie
Depends will catchy

We will live well til the end and around a rooty down out another toobie?

Who cares.    I bet God is fair.

What his name really is- is

Awesomeness itself

Thank yous for covers

Thank you for over exposures

Haman
(Rescue?)