Protection Against Suicide- Option B

Option B:

Buddy

___

Explanation:

If one has a buddy who is close enough to get under your skin, you FEEL PAIN but not necessarily despair. For those who feel “bullied”- I wish you could feel what I feel with my wife of TEN years. It HURTS and does hurt OFTEN. That is because my wife, as cool as she is and as difficult as a bond between a guy and woman is- she has it even worse. She was in an accident. She lived. She has a TBI- head injury. She is more… mean.

So I hear of bullying. Yeah? I won’t belittle that! Not even in a young person. But if I am not ending my life, are you the least bit curious what I live for? I mean, the accident virtually killed my wife. I am living with her reincarnation in my same life. I am dedicated to her. It hurts being “the good guy”, faithful and lonely. I have a ghost. That is my buddy.

Want to make fun? Its like… Jesus. Only who knows who he was? Lived 33 years… Feasted with his ENTOURAGE, got arrested, slapped, humiliated… segregated…

B u l l i e d…

Sentenced unfairly. Alone. NO ONE was his friend. Now he is mine. My… Takiri… Teacher, friend. Inside.

No voices

Those are my thoughts

He helps me with my thoughts to

see that:

My thoughts defend me

And

To tell you the truth, “suicide” is not real. But harming yourself is. THAT is the thing to avoid. Harm unto death is the thing people mean by “suicide” but also they mean to imply life is “doable” always.

Hm. There is a death I chose. Not suicide. Not homocide. “Death to self”…

Death to self is giving up OWNERSHIP of your body without being harsh. Scripture and my spirit tell me that death to self and death to sin is very close to what some Buddhists do or crave. To escape “fairly” and REALLY.

One escape is in meditative breathing. Mayahana. Its not religious. YouTube it. That’s gold! My advice. “Thich Naht Hahn”.

My advice is to see your unhealthy relationships where LOVE STILL EXISTS MUTUALLY as “SPARRING”- to be immune to:

Humiliation

BULLIES

To acquire:

Confidence. Self-control.

But…

My conscience INSISTS that I WRITE that above all, entwined with all- is one name… translates thousands of ways. My Real Lord (Vader is fiction. This one is so much tougher AND PUSHY-

WAY TRUTH LIFE JESUS

Some sneer, “He’s the only way.”- but forget to add that he not only lived, died, resurrected for real… he ascended… became one with everything just like the Dali Lama likes his hot dog…

One… With everything

Take my teacher’s hand

Like Terminator he may say:

“Come with me if you want to live.”

I have self harm scars. Big deal.

The Christ bore piercings like you wouldn’t (effing) believe

He also spent 36 months healing with power we know is real according to Eastern science only he was AMPED. PURE. Not a molester, or a killer. Not a coward. And yes he did have A LOT TO SAY but was no Tool…

He was the Snuffed Rooster

Announcing the Day

Declaring power over death

You know Judas- he was sorry he turned on Jesus. He carried more than what was written. Bible does NOT say he went down to hell as Catholics say. Bible says he “went to where he belongs”. He may have cast out demons, healed. He was still human and serves as a warning for Christians I think that we are able to fall and die by our own plan. Yikes. That is bad enough to feel despair and die.

So I don’t stray, pay a prostitute, own a GUN- all those can

Bump Set Spike me

I am terrified but not of death

I am terrified of failure to saueeze thru LIFE

I’m so SAD

My wife was beautiful

She is

I just have to be flexible and

Renewed

Hopeful

Endure pain (Hemophilia H.A.E.) , PTSD from almost bleeding to death

Stress endurance

I’m not going to suicide

But

I am going to suffer…

Still… Its only a matter of time before sensations CHANGE and I sleep

Yesterday was blindingly PAINFUL… I was at a birthday party. My wife R was sitting there and a family member, drunk, pulled back on her neck

I wanted to die… That stopped. You see, a brain injury is worsened by dipshits who grab the neck- vertebrae

My wife woke up THIS MORNING CRYING AND SCREAMING

I HAD A PANIC ATTACK

WANTED TO DIE… It subsided

My mind said:

Play Angry Birds

Drink a Pepsi

So I did

That was my Takiri… My other… The living essence of Jesus. He doesnt play those games. I do. They help neural processes for ME…

So that I do not LOSE IT and fight with R over screaming that is not her fault and…

I WILL BE AVENGED in an appropriate way … Not by my effort

Ahhhh

Relief

God’s vengenge finds a FIT

RATIONAL

NOT LIKE Tv weirdo yells about. Tele tubby thumpers

You know-

I have been disciplined by God

I kind of tried to drown myself

Then thought NO

TOO LATE

I WAS IN THE OCEAN

I still wonder if I did not die and THIS is a place beyond death

Why try again if I’m dead?

I am convinced I died

I dont mention that publicly

Nor the angels I meet

Do you want to never suicide?

High five the Christ and die like every hour

Thats where I am at

And sometimes I wonder if hell isn’t a better place for me because I’m 95% immune to pain

I’m a little mixed up

Hell paintings are COOL

I think God is a hallowed master over horrors and beautiful eternal dreams

I

Am

Gonna

Make it

Follow

Me

As

I

Follow this light

If you want to live

___

I like people

I hate evil

But I love people

I need them

To LIVE!!

Janet Reno, Safe Forever

Home

My thought

Cults in the USA abuse people

Janet did work that said “No”

I have seen “cult”

I painted a picture of a girl in court

Survivor with daddy

Survivor

Are there happy endings?

There are living endings

There IS reality

There is a katakujutsu that is unschooled

Horrible?

Who was Janet Reno?

My face and unlit cig

Say:

Thank God for watchers that tough!

Living in a cult is-

Escapable

No judgement

“Thank you, O | The Reality | for Reno. ‘Winner’.”

– Andrew HarrisΩn, Oregon

Non-denominational psycho-cult survivor

 

“I Don’t Feel Loved”

Okay…

I’ve thought this before

Today

Yesterday, now

Its 5:41

My FIL died and menopause and ptsd and cannot sleep back pain *Bingo*

Bingo = I must love not “conceptual self” but CARE FOR the bod of me:

Swim

Eat

Shower

Think and pause- do not dwell too long on anything

Back pain- suicide ideation… wrote it down… Took a picture, valuing ny dark expertise in escape… Find the better deal is revenge and not escape

Not lawless, I do as I please, aim to keep my nose clean, walk barefoot in snow, e-mail the Kyron Horman Foundation and write “I have been a victim of crime (true), so BLESS you.

Because they must feel losses and victories in small ways like I do. I don’t want Kyron’s dad not to know that God gives power to boys in peril and not to fear. I am alive and broken. I may as well, inspired by the KH Foundation offer my gifts of insight to the FBI, not if I saw anything, but if I was cleared, to feel any evidence to tell them what I FEEL.

I believe material things can be programmed, not with scent but atomic lacing. Something you would find in reiki. Christians do not like reiki so it must be real. They call psyche evil. Psyche is all and everybody. I had a 1″ minature slug. It signaled to my occular senses that it was content. It froze. I put salve on it and it stretched to 3”. Almost kinky, I felt for its alien need and that was “creature care”. It signaled fear. I saw an orange aura of an image of its dark little soul. It was exceedingly creepy. Creepier than the slug slime. Not evil. Ghastly and sacred. Hallucination? Yes. The picture was made in my occular senses and the slug was a little witch. Sure. Did you believe all that?

I know humans emit a readable EMP. I volunteer to loiter legally at my city’s airport and look/ watch. IRL, no camera sees the presence like mano a mano, but I do not stare. I look thru. I was almost killed by a bad guy when I was barmitzfa age. I am broken and better- paranormal I see daily. I get sick of it.

Like when a little girl screams for FUN

That pitch should be in a cop’s arsenal or used for jogger defense! Everybody wants to save a little girl! Max attention = rapist, mugger FLEES

REM Politzei Kiss

Before I woke up this morning

I had a special dream

Hehehehehhhhh

In my dream, a blonde out of copper-tone uniform was in my dreamy bedroom

I guess my dream merged with a civil servant’s

Oops

Hehehehehhhhh

Police ladies have commented before that I am fit…

Americans seem to think police are a drag

I like em

And now that I am practicing kisses in my theta-states of imagination, and seeing a weary girl soldier look at me that way…

I do wonder!

In my dream, my gf’s friend knocked on the door

I said, “Oh no!”

Off sister said:

(Smiled and psychic said, “I’m not moving.”)

So I let the friend in, who just sat there in the way like some gf friends do when they fantasize

Non contact 3-way!!!

That, for me, is every day

Beyond sexual

Romance pulsar in my bod

Oh I am already..

Poly Gamer in da head

Ladies College Girls No Sticky Crazy Lovers.

Balance

Balance

Get in my jacuzzi.

Get in my bed.

I kiss you for you, Crackerjacker whammer slammer CHICK

MY WHOLE BODY IS A-

Pickle Tickle… hold on

Marry me

You.. You.. and especially you

I an Blue Krishna.

I love girl cop FLESH

I wanna put a hand

A hand on your GUN HIP

Hug me hard

Officer Ette

Liutenant

Chief focus of this morning’s dream

Was to kiss you like a kiss of cream

Pow

Man slut

Prisoner of love

No record

If you want to talk about your NEEDS, Ofc. Ette, fem solid gravity yet Tinkerbell petite… I offer shiatsu mastery

And topless, chest to the towel back adjustments

Free for civil lady

Guy cops- find an equally devout commoner lady like Szu Sehn Chan the barbar on 17th

Geez

Its hard to like an Officer girl woman laser lady- her bros of Force could tazer muh balls or make fun of her

Kidding.

I want I want I want

A blue laser in my room

Why not?

If you hate cops, well ha- I have a use fir me on ironman | Fe | + male luxury ladies

Their job? No uniforms allowed in my shower

Mm..

Death smells so good as I wash her hair and Scooby Do her Scrappy-hey.  Hey

Hey.

Hey-

I am more than horny

I am slap-my-knee happy

I

Want

To

Kiss n spank a thigh

On a gal and not Ahnah Gai

Schweeee

Pop

Officer Lovely Locks…

Come again to my dreams

.

.

Luv,

Naughty Steel Worker Andy

Golden Gate Lemming Drops

Mapo

Mapo

Mapo

South

Korea

Mapo

Bridge

Mapo

Has

Solutions

Railing photo memorial

San

Francisco

Bureaucracy

Blocks

An American

Sacred

Memorial

For survivors

For loss

For prevention

To decrease

Deceadant

Body

Scoop

What

About

Coast Guard

ptsd

??

I think

That what I think

Matters

Very

Little

So I web log

Weblog

Blog it

Today

For the 8th time

Not including city e-mails

To nice ol’ SF

That living photos

Permaposted

Would be

The greatest American not-blog

Logging life

Before

The deceadants appeared

Broke

Fell

Back

Up

Back

In

A Christmas home

A real heart wrencher

To a lost sheep

TO MAKE THAT MORBIDITY PEEL RIGHT OFF

Or do we enjoy

Autonomous autoviolent video

On YooHoo tuber?

I do not

Suicide is too “too”

For that Bay Area

I am guessing

A weird freedom

It would be cooler

To die

Of cancer

Cooler to challenge

One’s own spirit

To stick-with-ship

As it is

Everyone

Is getting

What they need and want

Insanity sugar coated?

Looney Tunes “Now I’ve seen everything”… Aaaaaaaaaaa… * BURST *

Bloat

Float

Ship cruise up

Scoop

Why not leave the fallen leaf

Like Autumn

Why scoop up biological mass?

120lb female

310lb male

167lb young male

110lb young female

Brady Bunch it

Why not have Mike Carol Alice Cindy Bobby Greg Marsha Peter Jan and Tiger all go over together?

Like the great accident in 1824 AD during the Great Depression

Casualties did not exceed what was expected

Yet now

They have

The bridge glory

Illusion of grandeur

History

Is natinally known

And seen

Help has arrived

From the East

I am Thich Quack Duck

The non aqueous non immolater Mayahana crimson lotus maybe-maker

I say YouTube: Mapo

Or we will never see a decrease

Or just “hope” elsewise

Never too late

No fear

No shame

Writing this kills me

Its so boring

And I am not sure jumping is ultimately bad

But for Coast Guard ptsd I write

The Turn of the Screw (Classic): A Play Adaptation. Finally!! In Pdx, OR

image

Address
1126 se 15th
Tickets $18
Thursdays thru Sundays 7:30pm
Now and until Oct 22

image

From my elementary school.
Amanda Boekelheide (pretty, huh?)… in:

image

    See how frighteningly beautiful it can be and leave with no guilt.

    HEY! I’m talking to Terra L.S.! This post is for HER! Oh geez. I forget this reaches 900,000 people. Yeah. All of you ignore this!!! Except Terra.

image
The result of ONE screw
gone a’missing. Shit.

    OH! Hey now you self effacating melon farmers!
If your name is Bill, Jane or Osworth… this is for you too I guess. I am not going to the play.

An actress named
“Sara H _ _ _ _” once tried to split me in half from my wife with the promise of a cocktail and a stay at her apartment. I drank alone and STILL my wife thought this Don Juan was near ‘wanding’… wandering… with just a phone call. I don’t trust actors. Dangerous… toothy… sparkley… and gay. Olde gay. Not pink gay.

     Now it feels like everyone is flirting. Screw it. Now I ask directly if someone is attracted to me. If they get mad or turn the screw on me like I have an AGENDA on them, I hang it up. I don’t mess around with people who feel they can disrespect my wife by speaking to me like my wife. One woman is allowed to push me uncomfortably towards her. My wife.

In a troupe of actors when my marriage is seeing trouble that is the last place I need to go. I used to act… to get women into bed. Long long ago. That part of me is dormant and will NOT die until I do.
Ha.

I process the data. I am funk-aut. Functional autistic. Life is hell. I make erotic art and feel only spirit 99.94% of the time. Ta-tas n hoo hoos… long hair and booze…

     But………………………………………………if you live in Portland, OR put down $18 or eighteen crowns and see these clowns do pro art f-16 low and slow acting excellence. If you do I will mail you a puppy.

Love,
Syn-Sin

|||||| after show post bonus||||||
V V

ACT II
I just smoked some crack, ate a ding dong, shot heroin, smoked weed, a ciggy, had a bm and told someone else’s kid he is a fart machine.

Act III

Willy Wonka… you ARE the father!!

ACT IV
(Mrs. Butterworth DID Willy.
I call them my Mom and Dad.
Sweet parents.)

ACT V
Mom-
Just kidding. I know that on July 4th 1973, you and Dad had some wine, went to bed, did NOT sleep and ____ _____ _____ _____ ____ ____ and ____ ___ then _____. So the stork brought more wine. Lazy ass stork- because Dad COULD not ____ ___ or ______ ____.

I know too much. My pre-fetal ghost SAW it all. I forgive you Daddy and Mommy. You looked like you were in pain. I yelled to try to stop the ___ ___ ___ ____ _. No. Its a LIE…..

||||

Fine… uh- no.
Uh…

FIN