Words, Thoughts, Takiri Way

main-qimg-d64ad17538b7b7686c9048cecf4aa15b-c Within double cerebrum… or is it “cerebrii”?- is my experience as it seems to be

In water, I am a nuclear sub with head & oars

On land- a 50 foot giant- like everyone is.. 10 to 87.4 feet

In red smurf measurements…

Why not let arms fall at rest?- as soon as I write this

Why not feet kick out

No tightening the belly!- that encourages thought with “gut feeling”

Feel anew, selfie…

You are behind the eyes

Disconnect head from neck

Lay in one piece

“Speak to me, Takiri- I pray to God in action, praise and word”

Takiri is in my oxygen

Snow Owl man

Sower and Reaper

What wrong I have wrought this day

What dissonance I admit

I am ill for a lack

Hard to look up

I do anyway

I see Life- street black wet Autumn yellow red coated discard leaves

Beautiful

I fe discarded

But I am different

The human can do all things with a Jesurex inside

The Rex is one with all- even my takiri and imagined nation of ideas at WAR

Hurting ME? No I am seated

I hurt in my body

Tense

Stressed

Jarred

PTSD-ed

I got angry and at 10:45pm WEAK and not tired

O Takiri, stone me good

For rest

Look at my day

Go ahead

I feel like a LOSER

And I will do good works for our sake- the sake of eternal hope

I may cry

May I never say “die” again

The fire

The future

The now

Me, you, we, any… even all bodies to find the everlast and never see a body bag

We see

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Aspirations

*gasp*

Breathe “ange”

Breathe “champagne”

Breathe “bravo”

Breathe “reconstruction”

||| Ω

Breathe “reemerge”

Breathe “surrect”

Breathe “assisted”

Breathe “unalone”

|||Ω

 

You have been programmed now, you meaty meatball-maker!

To adjust the “inner radio” in your brain, try spacing out, humming or talking to your nipples

“Hey! Hey Righty! Are you volume or channel…”

I Breathe “Dead-space”

I breathe “Basement”

I Breathe “Turkey Day”

I gasp! Jason took off his hockey mask to eat! His face is well-done

Oh Uncle Freddie is here. He brought shish- uh… Shish!- SHISHKABOBS

For HIMSELF

Stay Puff Marshmallow man melted…

This-

This is crazy talk

Whatever

Could It Be?- “Crucifixtion”

I’ve known some things about crucifixtion- an ancient, real, punitive torture where hands and feet are nailed to a “Stauros”- the wooden death device.

Now, I was taught that Christ died of “a broken heart”- emotionally wiped out. How could THAT be?  It’s written that he “saw all was fulfilled” and his body went lifeless after he shouted LOUD enough to inspire strong centurion #42 below.

Is that suicide? Or departure with his hands tied behind his back.. The crufifix AKA “rood” in the Olde English- it was equipped with a seat. I hear sometimes a spike was set there. If there was a way to solve the puzzle- and rest and not move- that would defy the stories of a christ who is sad like “You sinned and here I am, woe is me and feel guilty”

There is no way to know

I find it interesting that his life becomes  exponentially GREATER after Lazarus rises from the dead. The religious fanatics wanted to re-kill Lazarus, kill Jesus, they kill Jesus, before he dies he speaks of Paradise “today”- no mention of virgins, mansions or gold- the man DIES publicly, put in a mauseleum, guarded and he comes back.

He stays for another 40 days, walks around like a ninja’s master, does some ACTING- pretending he’s going away, trips people out. Was that FUN? End of that time “ascends” into “clouds”. Scripture says he became one with everything. Would that include stars and planets 1000 lightyears away?- became one with them very quickly. Perhaps death meets an all Spacetime location- a hub that is something else besides space, time, matter but where there is spirit.

My back hurts too much. Im done. Sorry

Madness Meltdown

tumblr_o8l7ukgvqc1um9iado1_500Alone, lonely, lone, one… Yeah

List:

Monkey sketch

Leaves

Electric plate

Kroc shoes

Metal structure

6 spirals

ASIDE NOTE: Echkart Tolle was poor at age 50, criticised by his mom. Now has $10,000,000 after writing one book

Tv, big enough

Blinds- made to be damaged

Tiger pattern carpet

Air… in the… air

Me, I’m sitting somewhere

Not HERE- this is a screen

Zamfir

Lonely Shepard

I hope Haysoos is not

How do you serve a risen lord, when there is one and you are 1:7.09Billion

?

Well he said consider the lily, love eachother, he is the way…

Like a Strasse made of cobble rock… Ow ow… (barefoot- duh) and I pick lillies and give them to Frau Meinen

That’s good behavior, isnt IT?

My bride to undershadow his…?

Zamfir!

Is the lonely shepard.. Jesus?

Cool song

Sorry, but I feel there are people who wish or hope I die

Like “soon”

I’m disabled and in pain

Not suicidal

Not rich

Been in couples counseling for over a year

Get messages that say “divorce!” from doctors because they Rx that now

Get messages that say “get counseling”

Dr. Foersythe and the spirit of god

Asked repeatedly, “Are you suicidal?” and “that would be awful…”

It would? How do they know? Imagining it.

Imagining I die. Yep. Why?

I imagine my own death when I make funeral plans- THAT is sane.

All my family needs as an “heirloom” of Dad’s abuse is a martyr… turn in your Freud Hymnal to page “Subconscious”… Human flesh brain calculates some spooky shit.

I calculate CONSCIOUSLY that its painful but necessary to be in a state of non-companionship where the company goes mad over:

Disease

Death

Gossip

Suicide

Divorce! Family encouraged ONE- theg would will to do me in, that would lead near suicide and FORGET that

Manifestation of actualized destiny happens. Blame is unpopular, enfuriates, hurts- my wife was thrown away in the beginning. We married in our 30s and were poo poo-ed on… gossip that we were not married correctly. In church. That is a FESTIVE preferrence- we were blamed for not having a BIG ONE but no one offered to pay, either.

Our lives together is BETTER than marriage. No title. Just us. And you would think that since I couple with a FEMALE and not a dude, they would say, “Oh yeah- good job being straight”… No. No appreciation.

Christians as a sect encourage homosexuality by condemning straight options like bf/gf or “living together”. Where one sleeps is not a moral issue. We were demoralized, yet not US but if following Christ, HE takes the hit.

I am less-than ( < ) pissed off.

Much much less.

I am hurting in a family where I am youngest for life

Blood and church members sexually molested the kid I was and I drank but would not get promiscuous because I am too disabled to pounce the 1000 women I think I could pounce. Why say that?- I was fu**ing molested by people who got away with it but I DID NOT! I could wish to leave Earth over that? Some do.

I dub everybody EVERYBODY “Forgiven” but I will not say things are fine, or answer why I hate Christians and love them as a person. NO STRONG ENOUGH DISCIPLINE for men who touch privates. Fuckers! God. I STEAL that GOD back and eat his flesh… my communion. He wanted it that way. I am polite about it to HIM

What am I talking about?

I don’t want to be primed for divorce and death. I do not attend satan temple where we have black divorce services and deathness. Maybe in Hulapolis on Gwayno Island the humans eat their children slow… maybe in America…

I just want people out of my butt-uterus with assisted-divorce and death talk, God almighty Geez us people… What a mess it feels like

Distance is not the answer

To not commune with railers is

Calling All-American Heroes Who Are Pained By RARE Disease: New Pain Therapy, But You Will Say “No”, I Bet

I am listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers

You HATE THEM?? WHYYYY??!!!! Hahaha!!!

Rare peeps:

You know most people say sh*t like, “Just get better.” ha. Hahaha ho ho HO!

You can make someone ELSE better- you’re fine enough

Visit/ volunteer at the VA-

Can you stomach war stories?

WHAT DO VETS AND RARE disease warriors have in common?

Nothin’… Everthing

You non-vet sufferers have strength in “death-pursuit PTSD”- doctors DO NOT SEE you are vet-compatible with your OWN PTSD

!!!

Don’t get an OKAY from your doctor

Walk in to a VA

Why not? You get kicked out of hospital rooms anyway. Shit. Shiiiiiiiiiiiite it! Join WARS

A vet doubts differently

You wonder if you will MAKE it

A vet who is not giving UP- THAT is the key

Don’t befriend a bitter too-lost guy

A vet won’t let you fuckin say DIE

Better yet, find a military medic

Go go go!

Hurry up

Take… Your time

You can be late…

Choice is yours

I have rare disease HAE 01

OOOooo… a fun-learn for docs until you seem to have “too many psyche issues”

So what

The morning has deception spikes

Use the pain

To write this IN INK

IRL

IN INK:

Visit (not call) the local VA hospital

I dont have a car

I plan to take Tri-Met bus there with money for lunch

My brain’s EMP will make a difference

Cant kick me out

I was referred by a vet to help

No fooling around or trespassing down halls

Maybe I will call first

But you get middle man, busy, working hard

Maybe you can get your degree in psychology, too… you’ve learned to ride the body and what you DO to cope is in YOUR SPEECH

CONTAGIOUS

GOOD contagion

A vet + rare disease commoner person = two black boxes cancelling out

Co existance

Or join the circus and watch the trapeze girl… hot! Yeah… you could be a clown in a chair screaming “O god. The pain!!”

Anyone with long-term PTSD who you can visit will also visit you

Mentally

EXAMPLE:

My home-visiting RN was a medic. Navy. He saw men drown in the 1990s. It got international attention. It changed him. HE adapted. Adaptation to trauma in a positive way is a family trait of people who believe in God and do right.

So I cannot explain how it works except that “death winds” do not co-exist… PTSD POWER can be expressed like toothpaste from a tube. Mixed like #Aquafresh

Someone already understands you enough and many of them are patients. One thing- some people use heroin and crack for PTSD… if you hear a vet speak of that, its not common- run. Opiates lead down. Uppers leads to opiates.

“Chemicals and fun-juices” in the body are very hard to ID. Talk therapy exceeds a shrink. They are good, but 100% of therapists urge that relationships make health better.

A handbook on this is Art of War by Sun Tzu. Just kidding! Read a psalm. Tear a page out of a bible. Psalm. Proverb. Ecclesiastes. Genesis. Gospel of John. But don’t sit and read to find answers. Live out the answer. Its in you

A Hate-theory

H8er!

Do you want to BE one?

If YOU are, here is a definition of “hate” or “h8” as a reality and a continuing manifestation:

Hate (n.): A desire to sever a thing, place or person from oneself completely.

IE: “I have hate.”

Hate (v.): To oppose, to an extreme, controversially. For example- “Melinda hated Catherine, so she Facebooked her friends and called Catherine a “h8er” and Catherine said, “Huh? I like Melinda. Well forget her! I’m taking back her Xmas gift. What a biatch.”

Yeah, uh huh. Okay

I just hear a lot of “stop the hate” and I hate it. Its 99% in media I hear “haters are bad”. I hate it so I severed it. I don’t watch post-election energy and riots because the news makes it “hate”. It BEYOND hate. More like abhorrence. Numness to OTHERS and property which AFFECTS others emotionally.

The MANIFESTATION of hate is ANGER. STAR WARS 101- fear, suffering, anger, dark side. STAR WARS talk about haters? Is Darth Maul shouting? No. He’s criminal, a magic assassin. At peace with his role- to hate, YES, but extinguish Jedi. Kill, smash, giggle, kick, fight, scrap- but at LEAST HE DOESN’T bitch.

Bitching in ANGER audibly, visibly is not really common in some cultures. American freedom means you can say and do a lot. You can pee your pants while driving and not be arrested- do it and you are an idiot. You may NOT say just anything legally. You may not start panick by yelling “fire” for fun. Sick crazy people may do that and get mental help, no ticket and people affected will say, “nut!”, or “is he okay?, or “I HATE it when people shout FIRE- I had to take a nitro pill”. All those reactions are valid.

Say Mr. Nitro hates TO A DEGREE that he sees the “nut” later and punches his face. I see his reasoning and it is hate-based, yet he has control of the manifest. It would be perhaps better to swing and MISS and say “Missed! Darn.” but do it serious like when Gene Hackman psuedo smiles and his face sinks to a militant condemnation face that says, “I’ll see you in hell.”

Gesticulation.

Gestures are gesticulation. Smashing a car window is an extention of a gesticulation which is “body language gesture”- these CAN BE DISCIPLINED.

HATE…

Hate is personal, not visible. It can be proven but not prosecuted. Maybe one example of a group that infrequently manifests anger from hate is the KKK. I kind of think they are WATCHED as the Davidians, Jim Jones circus, etc. They do not say “We hate blacks and Jews, etc” much. Maybe some. Their history is enigmatic and stylistic- and deadly with open killing and torture. Anger and madness, laughing- anger makes hate real. If a kid shaves his head as a Skinhead and wears swastikas- that is edgy. If he is kind, he must be an actor or wannabe, which in “Jr. Racism” exists in all races.

I like to hate PLACES. It extinguishes my anger into causes. I HATE the condition of our local river! God! Dumping #2 juice in it. I HATE the Willamette River and thing everybody ought to! I want to swim and boat with clean natural water. You SHOULD hate a shitty river- my boss, a punk, got E Coli in it. A week off work. He was a real hard ass but I heard he was sick (never hated him) and prayed for him. I like my bosses. Management is not lazy- owners take chances and stress. Willamette needs to get better! See- my hate and love are not the same but work together.

Anger of man pleases no Cristological god. But it exists. Realists go for real and actual existant things and places and people. I live where KKK is around- Pacific NW, but I cannot see them. I see Somalians quite easy. Both dark and muslim and I like them mostly. One told of my wife in front of me. I imitated Islam and took offense quietly that he’d discipline my “heifer”- and told him christlike that her “error” was MY fault. There was no ERROR- the young man spun. In his head. “A husband stands for a woman?”. Damn right. Jesus defended a “sinner” woman caught doing adult stuff. The man too. He DREW in the sand after asking who is sin-free. Mystifier!

Its not “hate” that is bad. It is how much hate. If anger is present in action unto its wage: chaos and destruction.

The riot NOISE bothered me more than property damage. I could not decipher the hate speech but all the Darth Mauls! Sheesh. Someone apparently has to entertain by being Dumbass #1 which is DOWN near “loser” and “fool”. I’d rather hate rioting than people in a not-so-quiet riot. I hate their faces and mouth- the spasm of muscle tissue used to berate, feeling “awesome” even feeling “just”. Citations would fund the CITY! Let them do it. No choice anyway. Fund the school chess team… Really!

Nikolas Tesla the lightning rock and roll power king said:

If you harnessed all your HATE, the world could be lit up

So power comes before the anger or joy feelings.

Love is not the opposite of HATE- death is

Hate is the opposition.

We all hate.

The solution may be to be willing to die if attacked by an angry, hateful man. Not for nothing. With a hope and faith that one will be rewarded by love.

Love created the universe

A being that is not “of light” but who is life and unfathomable- manifest in the energy of created atoms. Energy is light. Matter is slow-light.

In the lense of the great movie of existance, a projection of light, formations… Cristology says Christ became one with all. From the beginning or on the cross? How about both?

You ever want God to speak and show mercy to explain himself/the god? He is easy. Man is hard. Mankind’s anger is like saying “This is how God is” and so our religions deceive us.

But God is by many names and is orderly unlike the worlds he made. That anger is better than ours. His hate is right. We all blow it. Mercy is in the Attorney Jesus Christ. Kind of like… Perry Mason. You have a good shot for sure with this Jewish lawyer. He bailed you out. Remember?

And not to spead anger

Jupiter and Saturn- Far Away

testes.jpgFar away from her

I said it like 50 million times

WTH _ ? _

She doesn’t listen

I feel like a bastard even posting this

My pain tolerance is high

Super high

I had an M.I. at 14

Now its like DUH I MUST BE A LOSER

Who do I talk to?

You know who?

Yeah I commune with the creator

I tell him I feel ripped off

Sound waves to my heart say I matter

Its funny and its also not funny

I do not want to be a joke

The term “leading lady” does not mean “by the b***s”

B***s… What a STUPID term for living ammo clips, spheroid and alien in design

Where is the wonder?

Biologists give a rip

So do I meet a 20-something I meet at bingo?

Sure, that must be it- validate self, push another down to do it. Fuck no

I say this is my bod

I cannot validate that except in offering

PRESENT YOUR BODIES AS LIVING sacrifices, HALLOWED AND PLEASING TO YOUR GOD

– Scripture book somewhere

Here I am

I feel cruddy

I am not crud

You females talk to each other- men do not. Not much anyway

Me n my kumquats. Lol

God, why external?

Oy vey

Jupiter and Saturn

I am a galaxy

I have the universe

One human relationship offsetting my total balance of me ought to be or become positive

Not lead to the next ex

Power in the dark

Potential E energy

Frickin disperse or maybe be accursed

I breathe…

That is more important

#whyistherepain

Pain probes reality…