Now This Is Just Incredibly Childish!

            A long time ago Mr. White pants went on vacation.

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    He left the neighborhood without his protective
    presence. As he rode away, farting and quite possibly ‘sharting’ his old civil war military pants, he sang a song that was taught to him by his buddy’s old Dutch-German nanny. In a made-up language.

    We all think he is lying!!

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People were GLAD he was gone. WHY?? Because Mr. White pants… smells.

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He smells worse than Elmo.
Elmo smells like sour biscuits and gravy. And has marijuana-breath. Smells like 211, too.

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Speaking of understanding- no one gets why ol’ White pants smells.

So people frickin HATE him.

Whoa! Shhh! Here he comes!!

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Nope. Just a look-alike, mocking him at the parade.
Legend has it, he is full of gas and holds it except for once a year he goes and finally FARTS out at Yosemite National Park, killing wildlife and its always a near death experience for him too.

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Ahh, finally… air!!

Hey, kids! Who REALLY smells??

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“Our PARENTS! They smell like b.o. and coffee, but we won’t say. We try to be nice.”

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Ahh yes! Quite nice to say nothing- lest ye offend them and be punished…

I, king Nazoneks, declare this post Whiff-worthy!

| A | `14

What Bothers Me Most About This Picture Is…

   Is that horses.. do not LOOK at the painter. They don’t give a CRAP about portraits. I mean, they will crap, but probably not in mid-air as the colon probably cinches up with a jump.

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      Do YOU cinch up with a jump? Don’t tell me. Don’t tell your priest. No, wait.. DO! They need a laugh.

    Don’t mess with people at funeral homes, pleeease?? Do you know, they have to pretend there are not bodies in the joint. Or maybe that’s me.

      I went to a mauseleum. True story- I know my credit here is NO GOOD, but its true. I visited gramma’s grave and I said, “See YOU SOON!”- meaning like FIFTY YEARS. Soon enough. I got shit to do.

       So I told a funeral director THERE a joke about… Uh… dead animals. He laughed and was reluctant to enjoy the joke. I saw Harold and Maude and I finally got it. I guess.

      Do you want to know the joke? Too bad!!

      Huh.

      Well?

      What do you need?

      Okay.

      Bark dust.

      Oops.

      What do you call a cremated dog?

      Oh, shit. I failed.

What Do O’s Feel Like?

“Oh dee O!”

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      Well, one pops ’em out of a box and hopefully you add some milk and sugar and go for it. I use a Cool Whip container to have more of ’em because a bowl doesn’t belong in the bedroom at night. You could step on it and the ceremic will cut your foot.

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    What you want is total satisfaction, right? Bring the box and milk with you.

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     And what do O’s feel like? Who cares! Its nutty goodness out of a factory! They probably add weird crap that causes health problems. That’s why eating Toasty O’s is good naughty night time fun! The more sugar, the more you will die a lot. What is so bad about a little death?

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What Do O’s Feel Like?

image

      Well, one pops ’em out of a box and hopefully you add some milk and sugar and go for it. I use a Cool Whip container to have more of ’em because a bowl doesn’t belong in the bedroom at night. You could step on it and the ceremic will cut your foot.

image

    What you want is total satisfaction, right? Bring the box and milk with you.

image

     And what do O’s feel like? Who cares! Its nutty goodness out of a factory! They probably add weird crap that causes health problems. That’s why eating Toasty O’s is good naughty night time fun! The more sugar, the more you will die a lot. What is so bad about a little death?

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Keelahhh!!

     Guns don’t kill people
I don’t kill people
     Bullets don’t kill people
Actually they do…..

    No the bullets go through people
    The pathway of harm kills people

     No its the lost of blood
     Actually what if its only
       internal bleeding?

Internal bleeding is not a laughing matter.

      Why is it called bleeding when the blood is IN ya?

      I have blood inside my veins, damm.

      And I don’t bitch that I internally bleed.

      What if an erythrocyte escapes and I have a bloody nose??

      If I tell a doctor I am bleeding internally, which is TRUE, he would call an ambulance!

       That is like $500,000

       That would be stupid.

       So doctors kill people.
They pronounce us dead.

       Maybe if doctors don’t enunciate, more cadavers would have a frickin chance!

       Anybody can look at a clock and kill someone like Darth Vader with a voice of death

       But no! I refuse to believe my doctor would do that.

       So aliens dress up like doctors and that explains the stories about butt searches and bright lights

       I friggin hate to have my butt looked at

      Why don’t they make a little robot probe controlled by a monkey who is trained?

      Doctor in my butt is gay

      But they once gave my propenol

      And looked at my ass in July

      My colon is quite lovely in July

      Just kidding. That is really twisted. They did a colonoscopy

       I am 40. You cannot go to first grade without shots and a colonoscopy.

       Wait. They lied.

       I did not need to redo first grade.

       Life isn’t fair.

       I feel stupid. My mom made me birthday cupcakes and all that.

        No, not recently. 35 years ago.

         You are all over the place… if you get hit by a truck.

          You were hit??

          I am calling 911. You will probably bleed to death. Externally. If you were hit and do not bleed, that is YOUR business.

          Only ninjas keep their blood in.

          If you are a ninja you would kill me.

          If you knew who I was.

      But I will not tell you I am a ninja slayer.

           Oh. Au! Damm. I’m not.
No, you got me. Statego! Yahtzee! No Whammies! Demons out!

          I have to go.

You Two For Free

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And you givvvve

And you givvvve

And you GIVE
        YOUR ALBUM
     AWAYYYYY

LOL

“Ayy.. we uz add thih pub
An the Edge he say, ‘Adam
maybe if’n ya poz nekkid anodder tyme’ an
Adam (hesoftspokenasitis you know) he lydes up a cigarret and says

No

And Im like laffin me-ass off de whole time and we said ‘aw stuff it’ just lets put the album out fa freeee

And the IRA actually sen us a get well card nah im just fula shait…