Sorry, but I feel there are people who wish or hope I die

Like “soon”

I’m disabled and in pain

Not suicidal

Not rich

Been in couples counseling for over a year

Get messages that say “divorce!” from doctors because they Rx that now

Get messages that say “get counseling”

Dr. Foersythe and the spirit of god

Asked repeatedly, “Are you suicidal?” and “that would be awful…”

It would? How do they know? Imagining it.

Imagining I die. Yep. Why?

I imagine my own death when I make funeral plans- THAT is sane.

All my family needs as an “heirloom” of Dad’s abuse is a martyr… turn in your Freud Hymnal to page “Subconscious”… Human flesh brain calculates some spooky shit.

I calculate CONSCIOUSLY that its painful but necessary to be in a state of non-companionship where the company goes mad over:





Divorce! Family encouraged ONE- theg would will to do me in, that would lead near suicide and FORGET that

Manifestation of actualized destiny happens. Blame is unpopular, enfuriates, hurts- my wife was thrown away in the beginning. We married in our 30s and were poo poo-ed on… gossip that we were not married correctly. In church. That is a FESTIVE preferrence- we were blamed for not having a BIG ONE but no one offered to pay, either.

Our lives together is BETTER than marriage. No title. Just us. And you would think that since I couple with a FEMALE and not a dude, they would say, “Oh yeah- good job being straight”… No. No appreciation.

Christians as a sect encourage homosexuality by condemning straight options like bf/gf or “living together”. Where one sleeps is not a moral issue. We were demoralized, yet not US but if following Christ, HE takes the hit.

I am less-than ( < ) pissed off.

Much much less.

I am hurting in a family where I am youngest for life

Blood and church members sexually molested the kid I was and I drank but would not get promiscuous because I am too disabled to pounce the 1000 women I think I could pounce. Why say that?- I was fu**ing molested by people who got away with it but I DID NOT! I could wish to leave Earth over that? Some do.

I dub everybody EVERYBODY “Forgiven” but I will not say things are fine, or answer why I hate Christians and love them as a person. NO STRONG ENOUGH DISCIPLINE for men who touch privates. Fuckers! God. I STEAL that GOD back and eat his flesh… my communion. He wanted it that way. I am polite about it to HIM

What am I talking about?

I don’t want to be primed for divorce and death. I do not attend satan temple where we have black divorce services and deathness. Maybe in Hulapolis on Gwayno Island the humans eat their children slow… maybe in America…

I just want people out of my butt-uterus with assisted-divorce and death talk, God almighty Geez us people… What a mess it feels like

Distance is not the answer

To not commune with railers is


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