I entered the archway made of sugar sheets crafted around pillars of sugar-rock. Colors in a bright creamy white world were vivid and my eyes tasted the blueberry skies. Like a slurp.
This archway let to the gingerbread gate of the CCDC of F
The Candycane Death-castle of Fun
I asked the little walking pencil fellow what was up. He said:
“This is hell. I wish somebody would pick me up and write with me.”
So he was a chocolate pencil. I wrote on the vanilla stone street at the gate:
He giggled. I had a hard time writing with him! So I named him “#3”. He thought I meant he was a hard #2 and frowned, pouting. So I threw him in the nacho cheese fountain.
He laughed and said, “Whee!” and pronounced a curse on me- a blue button on my chest. He said to not push it or I die. Then the rabbit next to me pushed it. I lost consciousness as the rabbits started to stab me with candy cane swords.. And they opened my belly.. Ran 34 feet of intestines out and skipped rope with it.
I was not yet dead. Little Bo Peep showed up and saw the bloody mess. She knelt down and felt my pants for change. Then she exclaimed, “Oh boy! You are a BOY! I am a virgin.” She started to play with my ding dong, and in any other circumstance, I would be down with that I guess. But in hypovolemic shock, I seized up.
Little Bo Peep shouted:
I must save you
And took my pants off.
Robby Rabbit scurried up to my head. He said:
“You have to push the blue button a bunch of times to DIE, man! Want help?”
I nodded YES
SO the story ends with Little Bo Peep getting her dungeon freak on with my lower torso with a spatula, Crisco, tweezers, her naughty parts… and Robby Rabbit jumping up and down on the blue button, grunting:
Ngah! Wuh! Nff! Pah!
Finally it worked. I blacked out. And then I opened my eyes and I was in this Edmonton Alberta dumpster outside of She-Who Seafood Emporium. With a cell phone duct taped into my crack with a note that said: “Blog your DREAMS, Asshole- or die!!!”
So I don’t want to die and go back there.