Now I Lay

Last night I had my eyes go wavy. I saw a star tiger and a black sky of stars. I want to be a star now.

“I pray thee” means “I ask thee”.

I vote to God. Not all votes are counted. A righteous man prays and changes the world like Elijah even in 2016.

If my thought is right, my request may be granted. In a world bent on Darwin survival, even English Physicists can evolve in one lifetime! I’ve been told I cannot get pain meds. I was told tonight maybe I can.

I prayed for meds and death-sleep. No action to homocide my body but to request I die. Meds take ongoing addictive need. I do not like need.

I think Robin Williams faked it. If not I hope to see him tomorrow morning if possible thru pray-a-cide. IE God kill me soft now.

I hear doors moving. Not just the incoming NW USA super storm predicted but doors. Doors of undead. 42 years is a long prison sentence. If here another 20 its my lingering God-made willingness to love but I still fight incoming. Temptation.

Death before dishonor.

I don’t want more love games. Allegiance bests pleasure. My brain is fucked by disallowment for meds. I made my own opium and injected it 2 months ago from Shackmart poppy seeds. I used Na H20 med grade scything and filled a 10cc syringe and got high on shock. I walked thru an OD smiling inside. I made opium legally. Fuch that.

I took copius amounts of legal cigs, beer, vodka, dxm. Fuch that.

I went “lotus” and communed with good ghosts. Why not join God’s land? I will play Lillium’s ASMR to detatch.

Its not her. Im loose. Im already feeling OBE NOW RIGHT THE fuch now.

My sexuality is crammed. I am loving on everybody especially women half my age. Its okay. No touch. But for my wife- who is not feeling well either, I’d rather die than hurt her. My mind says I can do anything. I want it all in an end.

I was tortured some in my life. Last night was the worst. Hospital held me under order.

I though if I held a bullet in a gripper and lit it I can blow my brains out. I threw away the sniper bullet. Its in a wall by DH not fit as live in garbage.

I am not garbage.

I am a living sacrifice unto Rex Jesu.

If up to me I sadly choose Andrew now. World plays harsh..

I prayed Our Father by wording in my mouth. My room.

ASMR is awesome. Lillium too. Lillium, I can OBE without you. Your voice, sweet Dane dame is sisterly. Almost hitting on you.

“God, cide me”, I say. Or stay beside me. Im set! Either way.

Fuch the world. World of man.


Death sleep by prayer like Stephen “Lord Jesu receive my espirit.

I hurt big time. Not sad. Happy only. Hurting like fire.


Oppose suicide always. I pray to gain. Not to die. Detatch or meet Jesuz. No weapon. No war.

I am related to Ben Franklin.

Signing off. See you maybe. No testing God but I want out……..


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