Painful Words

Every conversation today- short statements, listening- is very painful. I don’t know what is up. If I was working, I’d have to leave. There is a type of talk that need SUBDIVISIONS:


AKA Drama. Rich in toxic statements of alternating “I hate you I love you they hate each other they love each other”… I like a show-me story. I don’t need pre-judged characters. I don’t like smear stories. I’ve screwed up so ROYALLY that when I hear “tidy perfect” folk drag another person down for lynching, I start to feel the presence of real murderous callous apathy. That is what killing is made out of is “not caring” PLUS specific ACCIDENTAL or PURPOSEFUL harmful agents added.

It can be very harmful to expose people to sudden public attention- FOR ANY REASON. That affects the immune system. It feels like an allergy. The allergy is to bullying and not as a teen. “Character assassination” is what people sue over, but honestly I’d like to forget the small stuff I’ve gone through. The problem for me is its complex- I’ve been health challenged. Had people say they could help me with death with dignity. THAT’S NOT SOMETHING TO EVER SAY- I want to hear that people want me but I don’t hear that.

People get ill and it’s assumed a fast death is mercy. NOT for the ill- they can recover and no need to frickin’ hurry the dying- just don’t watch if you are on a schedule. Damn. I wish people just rethink each day and not even think they ever hurt me. You wimps. I’m Ironman.

One request- if anybody feels like it, spontaneously- could you apologize, if you think it’s appropriate if you ever publicly joked about Monica who is of the Lewinsky tribe? I watched her TedTalk on YouTube and she is so poised and strong and knowledgable about a very important thing in thevUSA-know what it is? Cyber-bullying and the science of shaming.

Monica has the ability to save lives, so forget everything you ever READ. She was one of the first to be hit with so MUCH, her nervous system had to adapt. That’s my take. I study PTSD, shame in survival as a biochemical whip for survival – some unpleasant hell, but not inescapable. I like to promote prevention. When I see people who publicly have a story involving intimate details like Shia LeBouff speaking out, Elizabeth Smart, it resounds with me but so does Monica because every life matters, and Presidents are people too. I try to understand.

What I understand now is I feel admiration for a smart attractive woman my age in Monica and I wish her the best! She’s found power out of powerlessness. My God and if she needs someone to wear the beret, let me do it. I’ll be your Guardian Angel, Miss

Andrew Harrison

Pacific Civil Arts NW

10554 SE Main st

Milwaukie, OR 97222


People still talk down at me. I’m an example of still-surviving and I’m sweet n sour. Just the way I like to be.


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