I Was Listen To Lyrics

From “Suicide Is Painless.” I pictured myself as my wife’s husband’s KILLER … Who is me. Who am I to HER?

Well that makes me feel hurt. Then I started crying because I am choosing to stay alive and the tears come from pain, pain keeps me here. I’d like to go. I would. Earth is neat. I can face the end. There are no toys for me now.

There is nowhere I’d travel. Periodically I begin to be more stiff and sore in my body. I slept 19 hours yesterday. I don’t believe in pain.

I have a new religion called Anti-Buddha. Buddha died laying down. It’s time to say he is dead. Just a guy. High ranking Buddhists quite scriptures on “Be-heading Buddha”. In Christology, you will find God beheaded HIMSELF and his head rolled to Earth by the name Yeshua Carpenterson.

Or not. Why do people let a 2500 year old dead man into their heart and reject Jesus who is alive. It was either a lie he has only a mother + God’s kapow, or it ain’t. Seems dangerous to forever deny. Do I believe it? I’d like to think maybe Jesus can protect us from God being angry. Siddhartha may have been predestined to be something before God. Few believe he made the universe. I believe Jesus, in his ancient being was supremely powerful and made ALL and is IN ALL because he literally ascended way way wayyyyy the heck down/ or up “there” and got homogenous-Maximus. Became one with everything.

the only ascended master who matters became one with everything and rules

people cannot handle attributing so much glory to one man, they produce writing that describes the Buddha and that describes a Christ. Anyone think it’s possible to think like both?

I don’t have access to morphine. Doctors fear incidental overdose I guess. My pain is like a garlic press. It hurts and does little services. It’s confusing. I had to feign true intention in ideation of suicide outcome to appease the lowly desire to want to “SLEEP FOREVER and NOW.” HOW a death is received varies I think.

I’m lucky to have people who love me. I use my devilish imagination as my bitch to figure out truths. Or maybe Seraphim alien lords are steering now… A theory of mine that countless little goobers of Light from The Majesty bind us. They are like angels, steering each blood cell, guiding heart beat after heart beat.

THEY know if my brain is off and make me watch positive TV and not ugly, wacko or violent stuff. If I have a suicidal idea I volunteer that my idea is mine and Satanic. So if true, I dismiss it and slam the hatch with a word more powerful than “fuck you”… It’s “mine”. I have thoughts but like a cashier with cash it does not make them MY thoughts. Not when I overcome them in the power of Jesus Christ my lord and man I would love morphine but at least I’m not on the cross. Dying that way is hard for people to get. Anybody feel offended if God makes all Good thru a human sacrifice?

Precisely, a god was sacrificed in the Upper Realm. It’s called Megaallegro. No it’s not. Wish more cool stuff about Heaven was known. People are dying to know. Making themselves die to see. That maybe is why people suicide. For light. A better light. Also having people say it’s okay to go.

That’s misleading. If you die you get what is coming next. Is there any “if”? It’s not simply like tucking yourself in. If you consciously meet Jesus then, well sounds good. People gather around a body. Coat it in a box like a peanut M&M and bury it. Maybe they deserved better? Did the decedent ask for help? How can this failure BE?

Mental health is hard to track in codependent relationships. Some are treated like big risk. Others like no risk. “Real risk” is where it’s at… To do ANYthing. I listen to monks chant “Om” when I sleep but the Om I believe in is Omega. Omega is The End. Like death. I believe in the not-so grim reaper being… Jesus.

Here maybe he feels like the reaper skeleton touching you. I had a paranormal experience akin to astral body flight where gnarly spirit hands touched nerves in my arms and my body unsheathed like corn. In that state it was like death but more of a vision. I foresaw a surgery I am now recovered from. If Jesus is in all, why are people against feeling good about abnormal experiences?  Shouldn’t people be curious about WHAT they are and not just assume HOW they are special? Most likely a key to failure, to stop seeking and claim to be open.

I mention Jesus as the review of him ought to point to God. Unless people who are crazy say they are with him. Like THAT could ever happen. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. A fifth time is in vain. No it’s not…. Je


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s