You are like this if you are who I am writing to- you have a secret back up plan to abort life like a chess game.
A conscience can be pesky. Also realism. It doesn’t look like a real suicide until it is. You might see it completed, but only from an out of body experience if you believe in that. The mixture of timing and insanity plus your will to get in a big foul up is nearly impossible even if YOU WILL. I’d say if people die by suicide, God must have made it legal. Also legal, some say, is “Hell”. A good God and a hell- can that exist? YOU who end it unleash all this shit you feel and statistically one of your nieces will copy. Or nephew, son… You have choices.
NOW… That is to ME. AGAIN. I get tired of argumentative people.
The spare CHUTE is to kill your identity. Not body. Ego. Pride. Self-respect returns.