Schemes Vicious

I have been so incredibly wrapped up in ideations of ALL possible escape routes off this planet. Not by space shuttle. There is the mind for escape. But what if brain and body are broken and neuropathy nonsensically burns causing panic attacks, sleeplessness, feelings of unworthiness, inability to attend:

Weddings

lunches

birthdays

any activity on any day…

ER turns you away.

no problem

i can do it all

Through Hellboy who strengthens me and commands all the reapers.

I was tugged on until I had an OBE. Medical science does not validate an OBE as anything but imagined. I Sun Danced by request of God to show me death. I was in TKD and ran furiously. I pushed my body forward… From the sternum… I started to have slippage.

Went home and passed out consciously. I think eagerly of letting go of all of you.

Last enemy is this reality of death. If by justification thru Jesus one is freed, one ought to live free. Made for good works. Turn to God. Believe- be… and live. Is “be-live” a WORD? I be… and be breathing in my life Jesus Christ, not ashamed. I don’t know what I am. People said “sinner”. I feel more- I am a sin without God. What I mean is that I am barely here. Where is this? I don’t do cool stuff. I am intellectual and slightly fun loving any more.

I had a dream about how I die. Set in a place THIS year. Not by my action. I HAVE had dreams of places I find later. Also I have had REM sleep that was okay enough to keep me warm. Then there are the trances. I have a doctor that said try Buddhism. I considered it because the Shaolin in me digs robes and stillness, but I am an Andrewist.

You can’t do it!

It’s okay.

relax

one part you can copy… An interest in the name of the God that Jesus Belongs to.

the name never xeroxes the same twice:

counselor

second Adam

Adonai

Yahweh

And on. Better yet, think of the names of Gods children living now On Earth- or can you with all the flesh marketing?!

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