How NOT To Write

Tortured in a dark cell. In Cuba? You wish!

Tortured in a dark cell. In Cuba? You wish!

(Pardon ME. I am using a method of writing called “writing from the body” by Jim Lee. My body is wracked with pain like a Dante’s Eighth Circle of Hell. There IS no 8th circle…)

“Bad Writing” by me

Barry was a baritone singer with the group “The Berry Bombs”. He was very, Barry GOOD at singing! HAHAhaha. Hahahahahahahahahah. One day, while playing a gig at “The Coconut Bar”, a man with a nutty Argentinian/ GERMAN accent walked in the entry way, squinting with almond-shaped eyes.

It was Herr Hasselnuse, the German storm trooper in hiding with his cashew-shaped ears, walnut-shaped butt-chin and his furrowy brow, furrowed like a pecan. He would get drunk and yell at the bartender. There actually was no bartender. I lied just now. It was the world’s first “self serve bar”. When you are too drunk, robots kick you out.

This story is dedicated to my father because he was funny but he didn’t laugh enough.

…………………………………………………

See!? See??? No one wants to read CRAP like that!! So that is how not to write. Get OUT OF HERE!!!

……………………..

I wasn’t done. There! Now THAT is an example of shitty writing. Don’t write like this. Don’t mention Dad. DO NOT TELL YOUR AUDIENCE TO LEAVE!!!

………………..

Admit it. You like me. Whatever!!

🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭

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