The 8th Wife Of Colonel Horace “Frazz” Tubal-Cain

     Colonel Horace of Hurtzsobaadicantstan- the great war strategist- asked his great enemy, Dargon the Opium Billionaire for his daughter’s hand in marriage. The daughter was the fair princess Hee-hooey, whose hair reached the floor.

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     Horace was very good looking…

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For a dead man.

No! Just kidding…
Of course he is alive…

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There!

Now Colonel Horace planned the wedding and was very sneaky! SNEAKY pants!
He hired a firing squad to do a 391 gun salute.

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But while guests arrived by car, plane and fish, he knew he would have his revenge and got EXCITED and screamed, “You are all squirrels!!”

Everyone just laughed.

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And the bodyguards fell asleep, waiting.

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The Colonel’s new inlaws were to be assassinated! Oh no! Oh yes!

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Sparky the Talking Horse was first to GET IT! He knew too much.

Yes the firing squad TOOK AIM! Guns for hire.

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Those DOGS! Dirty stinking scratchy hounds. Who cares WHAT kind of dog? Hey! The one in the middle is my aunt. “Hi Aunt Betty!”

So…

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The princess ran to Grandpa Doo-dad the next day.

“Grand Poopah!”, she cried.
“What!!!?”, he shouted. “I was sleeping on this pile of HUSH-MONEY.”

She said, “My wedding was yesterday… thank you for taking your fish to our wedding… but everyone on my side of the family is dead.

   David Hasselhof escaped. This is terrible. How can I love my HUSBAND knowing he is a super bad rich handsome desirable killer?”

Grandpa paused.

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Then he said, “I cannot see”

Princess Hee-hooey said,

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“Oh, we are blind because… Love is not perfect?? Oh how wise!”

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“Nnno. Wait. YES! Love is not perfect. Now MOVE! I am watching the Love Boat. SEE? I have an earphone CORD??”

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So the princess ran home and made Colonel Horace very happy in special ways and made her husband very happy also because she knocked Grampa over and took all the money back by hiring… Elmo.

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               ||  The End  ||

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